Oh, If I Were An Addams

Posted: October 21, 2012 in Reflections
Tags: , ,

You guys think I could be one of them? Because I would dig being Pugsley and Wednesday’s older brother.

I ended up watching the last twenty-five minutes of the 1991 movie The Addams Family, which would lead to me watching some old reruns from the original show on my computer during dinner. It made me realize two things: one was that I was born the year the sequel came out, which might explain another reason why I’m so creepy (though mostly I’m this way because of something that happened in a synagogue); and two is that if I weren’t an Ungar, I’d probably be an Addams.

Now, before you start wondering what my family will think when they read this, rest assured they’d probably agree with me. In fact, I’d make a great Addams: after all, where else could a horror author learn first-hand how to torture people without consequences? Probably in the playroom with Uncle Fester. And if I wanted to know a thing or two about magic? Morticia and Grandma Frump. And sword-fighting? Apparently Gomez and Morticia are both experienced duelists. It’d be a blast.

Not to say my folks aren’t great or strange. On the contrary, my family does have some similarities to the Addams. For instance, my siblings are all a little creepy and plenty kooky, though not as much as me. The sister closest to me in age definitely reminds me at times of Wednesday (though don’t tell her I said that). My mom did once try to spray me with a fire hose, but instead settled for the hose from the kitchen sink. My dad is very affectionate to his wife, my stepmom, almost to the point of comedic. And we have some very unusal pets in the house, even for cats. Add me into the mix, you’ve got some crazy sitcom material. Oh, and one of my uncles does remind me of Cousin Itt, for which I blame on his alma mater.

You know what? If the Addams were real people, I’d like for my family to be neighbors with them. That would be the best. We’d have so much fun, blowing stuff up and scaring people silly. And I’d have a constant source of inspiration and critique for the stories I write. It may only happen in my head, but it’s still swell even there.

Equation for a successful Burton film: 1 Burton + 1 Depp + 1 Bonham Carter = a blockbutster film (usually).

Speaking of which, I hear that Illumination Entertainment is set to do a stop-motion remake of the creepy-kooky-spooky Addams family, with Tim Burton doing the writing and possibly doing the directing. Even though no details about the story or the cast or whatever has been released, I can garauntee two things: one is that it should be fun for both kids and adults; and two is that since Tim Burtons’ in on it, they’ll have to give Helena Bonham Carter and Johnny Depp roles in it if they want it to be successful at all.

  1. Abba says:


  2. Joel Ungar says:

    If your sisters have children, I guarantee those kids will think of you as Uncle Fester. I’ll see to it.

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