If you weren’t aware, I do Tarot card readings for myself and (when I’m at events and I’m allowed) for others. For myself, I do readings several times a week. And in today’s reading, in the present position, The Chariot came up. For those of you who don’t know, The Chariot represents obstacles to overcome (among other things).
Honestly, that feels accurate. Lately, everything feels like obstacles. The price of everything is going up (and I will save my rants about that for another day), and finances are keeping everyone in a state of low-grade anxiety. Even if that wasn’t the case, a lot of people don’t feel safe traveling, or traveling certain ways or to/from certain places. Every day we worry about what new headline will cross our screens. What new horror or piece of stupidity we’re going to have to deal with.
And on a personal note, life is crazy. I have so many ideas and plans and I want to write every day, but I have to make a living to do that writing. And after a long day of work, I may only have a limited amount of time to write. Hell, some nights I don’t have any time! I’m too busy being a responsible adult and getting ready for the next day. And as much as I would love a TARDIS or other time machine just so I could have more time to write, I know that’s not an option, so I end up feeling frustrated when I don’t have the time to write.
Plus, there are the usual worries and annoyances of being an indie author: what can I do to get more readers? How are my sales lately? Is that amount good or bad? Why isn’t this story I really believe in finding a home? What can I do that doesn’t require a million dollars or a whole marketing team? That stuff tends to keep us up at night (especially in months when we may not be doing too well on sales).
So yeah. Obstacles upon obstacles upon obstacles. And I tend to visualize as obstacles as blocks in the road of life that you have to climb over (“overcome,” right?). And right now, the blocks can feel like they’re forming all around us, blocking us in at the bottom of a deep, deep tower or hole. Like the well in The Ring, except we’re the ghost at the bottom, and we’re having trouble getting out.
Maybe that’s why I’m not trying to overcome the obstacles. I am, like a monster out of a horror story, tearing through them. Clawing through them.
That’s what it feels like, anyway. If I can’t overcome things as big and as outside of my control, I might as well fight against them. Claw through the obstacles so I can get to the other side. Break them apart with talons and sharp nails and teeth. Metaphorically speaking, of course.
Is that the best approach? I don’t know. Is it the one that’s needed in this crazy world? I don’t know. But I like to think is that it’s helping. Especially when so much is out of my control. It’s something I’ll definitely discuss with my therapist the next time I talk to him.
In the meantime, I’m hoping that things will improve with time. My Tarot cards say there’s a chance of that. And I like to think they’re right for the most part. In the meantime, I think I’ll just keep clawing and see what happens.
Anyway, that’s all for now, my Followers of Fear. I wanted to check in and assure you I was alive, and when I cast around for a topic to blog about, this is what came up. Hope you found it interesting, at least. And if not, I’ll hopefully have something more interesting out in the next couple of weeks. Maybe as soon as next week. You never know.
Until next time, my Followers of Fear, good night and pleasant nightmares.
Rami Ungar The Writer 