Review: The Lords of Salem

Posted: April 25, 2013 in Review, Scary Stuff
Tags: , , , ,

And I kind of wish I hadn’t waited.


That’s the only way I can categorize horror rocker and director Rob Zombie’s latest piece, ultimately a story about the inability to escape your fate with a Satanic bent.

The film follows Sheri Moon Zombie, Rob Zombie’s wife (the fact that she’s in the film must do miracles for the marriage) as a radio DJ in Salem, Massachusetts, as she finds a mysterious record from a group called The Lords of Salem. Slowly but surely, she becomes ensnared in a plot to turn her into the mother of the Antichrist because of a curse placed on her by some actual witches from Salem. And by the way, Satan and his kid look more like a mud creature and the face-hugger from Alien.

I thought the film had good promise at the beginning. A few scary starts, a sense of unreality. But from then on there seemed to be just trippy imagery as Mrs. Zombie goes to her fate with barely any protest. At the end we’re confronted with enough sexual imagery and weird video effects to make us more confused than scared. Heck, it’s enough to make me wish for gore, and I’ve been complaining about the prevalence of that in horror for a while now!

And what’s also upsetting is that Mrs. Zombie doesn’t try to fight back, but just goes too willingly with her witchy landlord’s plot. The only one doing any digging to figure things out is a local historian and author, but unfortunately when he gets close to the truth he gets whacked. And the use of nudity is more disturbing than titillating in this film, but that doesn’t mean we want it in this film! And having a body of dead women whom we never see die? What’s up with that?

Oh Rob Zombie, how I miss your success with the Halloween remake! That film would earn a 4.2, should I decide to do a review of it. Unfortunately though, I can only give The Lords of Salem a 2.6. If this is supposed to be an example of the growing witch trend, it’s going to be an example of what not to do, mark my words!

And if you’re wondering if there was anything I liked, it was the music. The music was definitely catchy. Reminded me of something I’d heard in a Marilyn Manson album once. Listen below if you’re interested.


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