Well, Wi-Fi’s back, after being off for about a week. It’s the highlight of a week that’s been rather rough on me.

Don’t get me wrong, for the most part I’m loving Germany. I’m getting great work experience that’ll definitely come in handy after this internship, I’ve got great prospects for afterwards, I’m learning a lot about this country, its people and the language everyone speaks. And I’m seeing and doing amazing things that some only dream of doing.

But like anything in life, there’s ups and downs and lately I’ve been getting a lot of downs. My catchphrase lately is “if it’s not one thing, it’s always another”, and it definitely applied this week when a lot of the time I felt stressed and fatigued and just plain miserable. In other words, not me. At some points I wondered if I’d made a mistake coming to Germany. At other times, I wondered if God was maybe punishing me for something I’d done (perhaps getting into Tarot was a bad idea after all).

What’s been causing this, you ask? A number of things. Work, for one. It’s good people and it’s got great benefits and I get to write articles, which is fun. But often I’m doing tasks that nobody likes doing, and they stress me out. There’s also a hundred different that for some reason or another are mixed up or unresolved and when that happens it comes back to bite me in weird ways. I only just found out that somewhere along the line, my mailbox wasn’t properly put into the system, so I wasn’t receiving any mail! You can imagine the annoyance fixing that was!

There are other problems, as well. It’s not easy to go shopping. The closest supermarket is limited in what it has (and it’s in German, so I can only get things I can make on my own), and the base’s commissary is a trip to make, so unless someone’s providing a car, I can’t go there to get the stuff I’d like to cook with. So this leads to me eating things that may not always be good for me, which affects my health (and I was starting to lose a little weight).

And you already know there was the Wi-Fi situation. For a week because of a bank error we couldn’t connect to the Internet. And let’s face it, you need Internet to live in this world. So much of our lives is invested in it these days, being cut off at home and having limited access at work was another trigger for stress.

Add in a few other things, and it got really bad for me some days. Today, I even snapped at my roommate who was trying to help me resolve a problem. I apologized right after I realized what I’d done, but it was still awful and I felt really bad for doing it. And there I was, beating myself up for that. Another problem.

As I’ve been saying from the beginning, it’s been a tough week for me.

But there are reasons to feel optimistic. For one, the weekend’s here, and our Wi-Fi’s been restored. Always a reason to rejoice there. I can relax at home and watch Netflix, or go out on the town and explore areas I haven’t seen before. And while I was without Internet, I got a lot of work done. I finished editing Video Rage, rewrote Streghe, wrote a lot of blog posts on MS Word which I would post at lunch the next day, and I wrote two outlines for short stories I plan to write before starting on the next draft of Laura Horn. Definitely not bad. Pretty prolific, actually.

Plus after kind of getting off it once I got to Germany, I’ve started meditating again. I think that made a major difference. Meditation lifts my mood, makes me calmer and helps ground me. Not doing it affected my mood, so I’m definitely trying to make it part of my life again.

And now that the Internet’s back, I can also Skype with my folks when they’re online! That’s a huge reason to celebrate right there.

And the other problems…well, I’ll resolve them somehow. I’ve got to think positive. Can’t let myself mope over them. After all, you can’t accomplish much if you spend your whole life depressed over every little thing, and I certainly don’t plan on that happening to me. I’m doing what I normally do, and I’m going to seize life by the horns. It’s how I’ve gotten this far, after all.

So wish me luck and encouragement, my Followers of Fear. After this week, I’ll need it so I don’t have a repeat next week.

Have a great weekend!

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Comments
  1. Angela Misri says:

    Thinking about you Rami, and my advice is to cut yourself a little slack. No great adventure is 24 hours of perfect! Remind me to tell you about my favourite trip to Italy – which I scrimped and saved to go on back in 2000. It was a fantastic trip, but also held the worst night of my life when we had to sleep in a train station in Sienna when we couldn’t find a bed for the night. We even got turned down by the local nunnery! Seriously though, I hope the good outweighs the bad for the rest of your German adventure my friend. Keep writing and keep communicating. That is key.

    • Thanks Angela. Wow, the local nunnery. That’s tough. I’m hoping the good outweighs the bad as well. And besides, tomorrow is a new day, I won’t let the toxic bad week affect it. Thanks for the support.

  2. I get the ups and downs, that is totally normal! When I was in France for a while, I really wasn’t happy either. I craved talking with my mum and I was exhausted from all the emotional duress each day. But I barely had internet, calling was extremely expensive and I didn’t have a proper kitchen where I could’ve really cooked stuff for myself (The shopping part was easy, I mean you kind of figure out what’s what even if it’s in another language) On bad days like that it always helped me to remind myself that it was only temporary and to think about how fast the first half had passed and how little time was actually still left.
    Weirdly though, when I stayed in the States for my exchange semester (so 6 months), I was homesick on exactly 3 days and not more. I talked with my mum exactly 3 times and never with my dad. I did not have much access to the internet, except for school where I would sometimes chat with my mum, but it was frowned upon to use the library computer for such things. Still, I was sometimes lonely and not entirely happy too, but as I said in the beginning that is normal. It will go on in waves like that. You’ll be super happy and excited about something and a couple days later something else will get you down. I kept a journal during my time in the States and that really helped, also it’s super fun to read what you’ve written sometime in the future.

  3. P.S. I don’t think God would ever punish anyone for using Tarot cards.

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