It’s Friday again, so you know what that means. It’s #FirstLineFriday! Also known as “that blogging trend Rami Ungar’s trying to start with mixed results.” Here are the rules:
- You write a post titled #FirstLineFriday (hashtag and all)
- You explain the rules like I’m doing now
- You post the first one or two lines of a potential story, story-in-progress, or completed or published work.
- Finally, you ask your readers for feedback.
This week’s entry comes from another story I came up with in high school, and it has some influences from both Stephen King and some slasher movies from the 80’s. Enjoy:
She had to hide, and quickly too. Mitch was coming, and he sounded angry.
Thoughts? Comments? Let’s discuss.
That’s all for now. I’m glad the weekend is here, especially since that means Star Wars has finally arrived. I’m going to see the movie Tuesday during a matinee performance. Should be good (but if anyone spoils the film for me, I will make them regret it). Have a good weekend, my Followers of Fear!
Rami Ungar The Writer 
Oof, I don’t think I could do First Line Friday; my lines are strictly private until all editing is done. Hats off to you.
For this first line, I now know who the protagonist is, I know who probably the antagonist is (at least for the scene) and I’m already in action. Nice and solid.
Though I will say that as a reader of erotica, I did giggle when I first read it. Probably because it’s out of context, but still. You did ask… 😀
Too bad, I would’ve liked to read those lines. I’m glad you found them engaging, and as an occasional reader of erotica (with an interest in maybe writing it someday), I kind of saw what made you giggle. I wonder what sort of story it might be if this were the beginning of an erotic story.
I would use a period instead of a comma in the second sentence. That way it separates and emphasizes the two ideas (that he’s coming and that he’s angry). Also, what if the “Mitch was coming” sentence gave a little more information like “Mitch was only footsteps away” or “Mitch was just on the other side of the door” or what have you. That way the reader knows more about what’s happening rather than the abstract idea that this guy is approaching. Obviously this will be described moments later in the following paragraphs but having that first punch right out of the gate might help snag the reader’s attention.
Well done though! Sounds like an engaging story!
Thanks. I hope when I get around to writing it, it will be.
Effective. The first line establishes tension and makes me want to know more. So what we do to participate? Post lines here, or on our own blags and tag you in?
On your own blog. You don’t have to leave a link to my own blog, but if you do I’ll be very flattered and appreciate it greatly.
Nice! Very catchy – drew me in right away.
Thank you Joleene.