It’s Friday again, and you know what that means! It’s #FirstLineFriday, where I take the first one or two lines of a potential story, a story-in-progress, or a published story and post them here (and in one of the Facebook groups I belong to). This week’s entry is from a story I started yesterday, and which I’m currently working on:
“Max gots a boyfriend! Max gots a boyfriend!” Danny sang, laughing as he ran.
“Shut up you little twerp!” shouted his elder sister Max, chasing after her brother through the sand.
Ah, sibling rivalry. I remember it well.
Thoughts? Comments? Grammatical or punctuation errors? I know, Danny’s saying “gots”, but he’s four, so I think we can let that one slide.
Have a good weekend and Fourth of July everyone. It’s my last one before I leave for Germany day after tomorrow, so I’m hoping to make it extra special. Wish me luck!
Rami Ungar The Writer 
You know, I think I like these, Rami. The only edit I would suggest is that you don’t really need to have both “sister” and “brother” in the second sentence. Saying one is enough to describe the relationship. To fix it, i would just change “her brother” to “him”.
Other than that, it’s good. Brings up memories, makes me want to smack my brother all over again. 🙂
Since I’m midway through the first draft, I’ll make that change. Thanks for your feedback.
My pleasure, Rami. Hope it was helpful.
I always find feedback helpful, especially when it comes from someone I respect.
Awe, you’re too kind Rami. 😊
Just telling it like it is.