Rami Ungar The Writer

I think at one point or another, if we haven’t written romance stories, we’ve all included romance in our works. I know I have. And last night, I was thinking about romance in writing, and what it took to write romance. I hope you’ll forgive me if I go over this topic a little bit.

Now, some writers say you actually have to draw on personal experience in romance in order to write about it. I disagree; I’ve never been in a relationship before, and I’m also one of those types who doesn’t need to be in a relationship in order to feel fulfilled. So not a lot of experience there. And yet I’m pretty sure I can write stories with romantic elements, I’ve read enough books and seen enough movies to see how it’s done: two people meet (I’m not saying boy meets girl here, because that’s no longer necessarily the case); there’s the initial spark of attraction; some sort of obstacle keeps them apart; they get over said obstacle and get together; if the author wants to explore the relationship even further, there will be more obstacles between the characters and true happiness; and once they get over those, it’s supposed to be happily ever after (unless there’s a sequel).

And the elements that go into such stories are only limited by three things: how much romance plays into the plot of the story; the setting the story takes place in; and the author’s imagination. For the first, you have either your typical romances, where the whole plot revolves around someone (usually a woman, because that’s how these stories typically work) finding fulfillment with a man (because once again, that’s how those stories typically work), and the travails she goes through trying to reach that happy state (pretty much most of Jean Auel’s Earth’s Children books). Then there are other stories that, while having romantic elements, don’t focus exclusively on them. Instead the romantic elements are used to highlight the story and/or explain the motivations of certain characters (like the various romances in Harry Potter). Of course there are also stories that hint at romantic attractions but don’t have characters play on them or anything, but I’m not going to focus on them (though if you want an example, there’s Ptolemy’s Gate by Jonathan Stroud).

Next you have settings, and this plays more into a story more than you think. For example, if you want to have a character unable to be with their lover because of an arranged marriage, it makes more sense to have that in a historical drama (or in a country where that is still common) than in Midwest America where I doubt that sort of thing happens. In the same vein of thought, if you have a story taking place in Victorian England, it makes very little sense to have a montage scene or a musical number out of an 80’s movie unless your story is a musical to begin with. So as much as we tend to forget the setting, it plays a big role in how much you can do in the world of the characters.

Finally, you have my favorite part in this equation: the author’s imagination, and this is especially useful when coming up with obstacles for the characters to get over. Perhaps there’s someone else that is courting the character (I think this is what’s used in The Hunger Games and Twilight, though the main draw of the latter might just be sexy teen boys). Or perhaps the characters are from different social classes, and being together would be tanatamount to social suicide. Or perhaps the main character is leading a campaign and as much as they’d like to focus on love, that would be detrimental to the war effort. Or perhpas one character had a traumatic childhood experience and has trouble getting close to people. Or the romance is forbidden (religion, politics, orientation, etc). Or one character is still getting over the loss of a previous love and has trouble moving on. Or a thousand other options; it’s all up to the author to decide.

So, what makes a good combination of any of these? That’s up to the author, really; besides putting all these factors together, one has to write and write it well. Otherwise, who will be interested?

Yesterday I was working on two writing projects. One was my short story for my creative writing class, Animal Child (I’ve decided to stop calling it Doll’s Game, because that title’s no longer relevant), and the other is chapter forty-five of my serial killer thriller Snake (don’t marvel, thrillers are notorious for having many chapters buch each chapter is incredibly short). Both times, I plugged in my earbuds and started listening to lectures given by Deepak Chopra, a leading expert in alternative medicine and spirituality to improve your life. The lectures, available as hour-long videos on YouTube, each had different topics. The one I listened to while working on Animal Child was about how to improve your physical and mental well-being. The other, which I used to finish chapter forty-five and start chapter forty-six, was about how through certain forms of meditation, one can radically change their outlook on life.

I can honestly say I remember almost nothing from either one of these lectures, except the second one featured some stuff that reminded me of string theory’s ideas on vibrations shaping our world, and only because I finished chapter forty-five at a certain point in the lecture and bothered to watch and listen for a few minutes.

You see, those lectures hypnotized me, but not into meditating on the nature of life. Instead, the lecture became a background noise, while I focused on the world of the story that formed within my head and on putting that world down on paper (or to be more precise, bits of data that the monitor made to look like paper with words on it). It was interesting, because not only was I very relaxed while listening to this lecture, but I was writing much more easily than I had been recently. The story just seemed to flow onto the page, so that I was finishing much more quickly than I’d expected, and I don’t think I got distracted once!

I’ve written before on how listening to people talk on a show helps me to write, but this was different, where I only was listening to people speaking, and I wasn’t being distracted by visuals to go with the speaking. In fact, I dare to say this was an optimal state of mind to be writing in, where I’m hypnotized by the ongoing monologue of the speaker and focused on the work before me. I wonder if you did an EEG or an fMRI of my brain, what parts of my brain would light up, and what sort of brain waves would be most active. Of course, this sort of state has its drawbacks: a friend of mine saw me in the library while I was working on Animal Child and tapped me on the shoulder. I swear, I nearly umped out of my skin, I was so startled.

But even if I’m easily shocked while I’m in this hypnotic state by external distractions, it’s an interesting state to be in. I think the next time I try to write while listening to a lecture, I’ll do a TED talk, see if I can become immersed listening to different experts talk about their ideas or projects. I also wouldn’t mind listening to audiobooks of stuff like Paradise Lost or The Odyssey, which would definitely suck me into that state after a while. Anyone know any websites where you can listen to those sort of things for free? I’d be happy for recommendations.

You know, I’ve never had any problems writing from the perspectives of either boys or girls. It’s never been an issue for me, and yet I hear from writers all the time about how they’re males and they just can’t get into the minds of their female characters, or for some women, they just can’t figure out what motivates their main character’s boyfriend. I kind of feel like an outsider in these conversations.

Granted, I think most writers feel more comfortable writing characters that are more like us, and that includes gender. It’s easier to relate to someone with the same likes, dislikes, and struggles, and it can be difficult at first to get into the head of someone with a completely different sort of life. But I think with time and experience, it gets a little easier.

Take me for example: I’ve had both time and experience learning how women think. I grew up in a house with several women in it, and that’s not including pets! I kind of got used to women early on, and some of these women, including my mom, were big and positive influences on my writing (this is also where my beliefs on women’s rights were formed, but that’s no surprise, right?). And to add to that, I grew up watching a lot of shows that featured women characters as leads playing out the traditional male role of fighting evil, such as Sailor Moon and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. With all that input, I got an inkling on how to write from a female perspective.

And you know what? It showed! Some of my early short stories featured women in lead roles, and they got praised for how realistic these girls I wrote seemed. It was a big boost to my confidence, and it’s why a lot of my works–such as my short story Doll’s Game or my science-fiction novel Reborn City–feature female protagonists.

So yeah, I’ve had the time and experience, enough that I can write some decent female characters. And I’m sure that with time and experience, I’ll be able to write all sorts of characters and make them all feel real. Just a matter of time, right?

What about you? Do you have trouble or ease writing for the opposite sex?