Posts Tagged ‘self-care’

Positive Anxiety and Writing

Posted: January 17, 2026 in Living and Life, Reflections, Writing
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Nobody likes feeling anxiety. The tightening chest, the quickening heartbeat, the cold sweat and the panicky thoughts. It makes us dread the future and even the present. You look anywhere online, you’ll find numerous articles about how to combat anxiety that range from medication to breathing exercises to a variety of cognitive exercises. And in our crazy world, there’s never been a higher need for those combat tools.

But what if I told you there’s a form of anxiety that’s good for you? A form of anxiety that helps you?

A growing body of research suggests that we might be looking at anxiety all wrong. Rather than treating everyday anxiety as a disease or a problem, as we’ve been doing for decades, we need to see how anxiety can positively affect us. Known as “positive anxiety” or “good anxiety,” this anxiety helps us in our daily lives. According to the articles I read (which I will link to below), anxiety reminds us of uncertainties in the future, how those uncertainties can affect us, and to plan how to deal with them.

In other words, anxiety can give you a to-do list against unknowns and negative scenarios, and even increase your productivity as part of dealing with those unknowns.

Now, I’m not saying all anxiety is positive. Anxiety disorders, which are when constant or reoccurring anxiety impairs your life and makes it hard to function (like what I’ve had since 2018), are serious medical diseases and should be treated accordingly. I know my GAD improved dramatically with medication, coping techniques, and talking therapy. And with anxiety being a daily occurrence, we all could use ways to cope, including avoiding sources of anxiety.

However, emotional regulation isn’t about avoidance or immediate pacification. Instead, it’s about feeling/recognizing your emotions, and engaging with them in a healthy manner. And using anxiety to motivate you, rather than paralyze you or force you into a safe zone, sounds like healthy engagement to me.

So, why am I bringing all this up? Because I’ve been feeling positive anxiety on a more frequent basis. With the pitch sessions back in June; with phone meetings with some of the people I pitched to; and when I’m about to start a big project. I felt it most recently when I had a couple of stories to edit. Overall, the beta readers liked the stories, but they had a lot of notes. And that kind of made me anxious. Would I be able to incorporate that feedback? Would I be able to bring out the full potential of these stories before I started shopping them around?

Rather than run away (AKA never work on those stories again), I decided to start small. At least get started on the projects and see what I can do, I thought. Then, if it goes well, keep going. Lo and behold, that worked and I was able to get started on the edits. And while I’m not sure any of the stories are as good as they could be, they’re definitely at a point where I wouldn’t mind sending them out to publishers.

And when I was doing the pitch sessions, I felt anxious, but I didn’t let that take control. Instead, I started making plans. I did research on all the agents/editors accepting pitches, learned from others what the pitches were like and what to expect, and practiced several times. And while I’m still working on finding The Shape of Evil a home, I’m happy to say that I made great progress on that front because of the pitch sessions and and the prep I did for them.

Anxiety can sometimes work with your writing career, rather than against it.

So as it turns out, anxiety can be a help when it comes to writing. It can also be a hindrance, no doubt (so many writers I know deal with mental health struggles, same as me). But we can use it motivate, plan, and accomplish our goals. How do we do that?

Well, first off, if you feel anxiety, take a deep breath (that really does work). And if the anxiety is negatively impacting your life, discuss it with a medical or psychological professional. Believe me, therapy and medication can work. But after those steps, do the following:

  • Identify what’s giving you anxiety. Is it starting a project? Trying to get it published? Once you figure it out, you can work on the next steps:
  • Figure out what you ultimately want to do. If you want to move forward, you need to state your goal.
  • Make a plan with steps on how to accomplish your goals. I would recommend doing that with any goal, but doing that to help with anxiety works. Especially if you factor in balancing your mental health with breaks and whatnot. And finally:
  • Go and do the thing. Once you get it done, your anxiety will become a thing of the past, and it’ll be easier to repeat the tasks that give you anxiety in the future.

Anxiety can be rough. But there are benefits to anxiety, and if you figure out how to use anxiety to your advantage, it can help you reach your goals. Just don’t neglect your mental health if you seriously need to care for yourself. After all, the most important thing is that you’re able to function and enjoy life to the fullest. Everything beyond that is just to enhance your enjoyment of that life.

Sources:
How we misunderstand anxiety and miss out on its benefits, University of California
Good Anxiety Does Exist. Here’s How You Can Benefit From It, NPR

The Struggle is Real

Posted: February 7, 2024 in Living and Life, Reflections
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Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com

I’ve always felt “the struggle is real” is a weird phrase. I mean, we all have jobs, bills, relationships, school, and a million things that are out to kill you. The struggle is always real.

Lately, I get why people say that. Because at my day job, the struggle is very real right now.

Now, I try not to talk about my day job on my blog. After all, this blog is about my writing. But I need to vent, and I feel like talking about it here. Helps that it’s been a week since I last posted, and that makes me itchy.

Still, I don’t want to go into details, so I’ll just say that it’s been crazy busy. Like, I’ve had to work a couple of late nights, and I probably will be working more of them in the near future. Maybe even a couple of hours on the weekend. I don’t know, it’s still being discussed.

But that’s just the kind of workload we’re dealing with, and it’s a small team doing what I’m doing. Plus, we’re facing pressure from all sides, as well as malarkey that’s only giving us more headaches. It’s enough that, sad to say, I finally get why people say “the struggle is real.”

Now, before you get yourself all worried, just know I am taking care of myself. Maybe I have indulged in a beer or sweets a bit more, guilty as charged, but I am monitoring my mental health, talking to people who are trained to listen to problems, and I am doing self-care. Earlier today, I watched a horror movie with dinner. It was a terrible horror movie, but it did help with the stress (and with not being able to write for two days due to the effects of stress).

And I have scheduled some vacation time in the near future. Not saying when in case stalkers or burglars read this blog, but it’s soon. I’ll take that time to simulate living like a full-time writer, with most of my day spent writing.

And possibly visiting my dad and stepmom. Hey, they live in another city and I don’t get to see them as often as I see my other close family. Also, I may have an appointment at a spa scheduled for that period. And you know I like to watch anime as soon as it’s available to stream.

According to my Tarot, things might be improving next week. I hope that’s true.

But other than that, I am spending the time working on stories and doing other things a full-time writer might do. Hopefully it’ll be good for me, it’ll help me get some good stories out, and help me in my quest to become a full-time writer. I’m really looking forward to that.

And wow, just writing this all out has made me feel better. The struggle is still very real, but it feels a bit less soul-grinding than it did when I got home earlier today. Maybe getting it out will be the start of changing how things are going. It would match up with my Tarot reading for next week. That would be nice.

That’s all for now, my Followers of Fear. If you would like to help me get through this period, just keep doing what you’re doing: supporting me. This could be as simple as reading this blog and leaving a comment, or even reading and reviewing my books (links to which can be found on my Book Links and Excerpts page).

Until next time, good night and pleasant nightmares.

When Life Interferes with Creativity

Posted: September 24, 2020 in Living and Life, Reflections
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I’ve two words for you:

Fuck 2020.

That’s how people have been reacting since around January, though it really ramped up around March or April. I’ve been among the people who’ve been saying it. Until recently, however, I thought I was dealing with it pretty well. Except for that short period back in March, I’ve been able to keep my writing flowing. Hell, some even say my output is extraordinary or something to look up to. I’ve been doing really well at work. I’m maintaining a healthy lifestyle, for the most part. I’ve been reading a lot. I haven’t fallen behind on any of my bills. I still have a roof over my head, and I keep my apartment clean (or clean enough).

But lately, it’s been a lot. COVID-19; the election and those intent on derailing it for their own benefit, before, during and after November 3rd; hurricanes; wildfires; black people getting murdered and the justice system failing to help those left behind; the deaths of people like Chadwick Boseman and Ruth Bader Ginsburg, who inspired and brought hope to so many people; science deniers and “fake news” and “alternative facts;” and so much more. Add in that September has never been my favorite month, and also happens to be a really busy time for me at work, and it’s had an effect on me.

For one thing, I was actually sick today. Yeah, I think the stress had an effect on my physical health and I had to call off work. Sucks, especially since I was supposed to give a presentation today.

And not only that, but (*gasp!*) I haven’t been able to work on stories this week.

Yeah, I know. Last night, I only managed to edit three pages of Toyland. Took over an hour to do. I was just like, “Forget it! No point at working at it if I need an hour to get three pages edited!” If I was working on a new story, I wouldn’t be surprised if I wasn’t able to make my minimum of 500 words per writing session. I’d be disappointed, but not surprised.

It’s a shame, but sometimes life gets you down and affects everything.

So, I’m taking steps to improve things. I may only have so much power to change this world,* but I have plenty of power to help myself. In fact, since I was sick today, I spent the day doing self-care. I slept in, made Japanese rice gruel (great for when you’re under the weather), watched Enola Holmes on Netflix,** did some hypnosis for stress relief, and watch cute videos of foxes and cats and dogs (thank you, YouTube).

And I’ll be doing some more self-care over the next few days. Yeah, I know there’s an emphasis in this country on being constantly productive until retirement. But you know what? Fuck productivity! What’s the point of getting all that done if I’m a wreck? Sometimes, taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do. And I wish more people realized that, rather than grinding themselves to death for…what? A possible bonus? Bragging rights? I don’t know.

So, I may not get much more done for the rest of the month. Whatever. Once I’m back in the saddle and feeling better, I’ll be pounding out words and stories at the usual crazy rate. And in the meantime, I’ll enjoy all the relaxation and self-care I can. Life’s too short and crazy not to enjoy it, after all.

That’s all for now, my Followers of Fear. Stay safe, take care of yourselves, and pleasant nightmares.

*I could use some of my dark powers to make really big changes, but that involves too much paperwork and some nasty unintended consequences. After this year, I’d like to avoid both.

**Short opinion: the mystery is a bit simplistic and obvious for a story involving a detective named Holmes, but it’s a lot of fun. Millie Bobby Brown is great, there are plenty of funny moments, and it scratches my Victorian itch. Give it a watch if you need something nice to get your mind off your problems.