Rami Ungar The Writer

I did promise I would write about this in its own post. And I do my best to keep my promises.

This past Saturday, May 10th, as well as being the Halfway to Halloween Expo in Ann Arbor and the third anniversary of when The Pure World Comes was released, it was also the ten-year anniversary of my college graduation. When I became an alumnus of The Ohio State University.

Wow. Ten years. It’s kind of crazy to believe. Some of you were following me even back then, reading as I made my way through my college experience, the highs and lows and everything in-between. I remember it being a very momentous occasion. All of my immediate family, as well as some of my grandparents who were close enough to make it, came to see me make that walk. I remember the head of our alumni association at the time making a speech, none of which I remember, as well as the former Secretary of Health and Human Services speaking as well (and someone booing her, which felt tacky AF). And I remember going down from the stands, getting my diploma, and then coming out feeling different. When I reached my apartment to change, I knew I was different.

I was a graduate.

Not even a year later, when I went on campus for a job interview, I felt so out of place walking among all those students. An adult among relative children. Ridiculous, because some of them were my age or older, and there wasn’t much separating us, but still.

And now, ten years later, how do I feel?

Well, obviously I’m glad I went to college, and that I went to the college I did (Go Bucks!). Sure, there are some things I would have done differently if given the chance to do them over, but I feel like most of my experiences there, positive or negative, made me into the person I am today.

But do I feel any momentous feelings regarding the passage of time? Or that I want to go back to my student days?

Not really, no. In fact, when I remembered on Saturday that today was the ten-year anniversary of that momentous occasion, I didn’t really feel anything. I just noted it like how one notes that it’s a bit warmer than the day before, or that I need to put something on the shopping list before I go shopping on Monday. It was a fact, nothing more. And as for whether I want to go back…well, whenever I have dreams about being back in school, no matter what grade I’m in or which school it is, I’m always annoyed about the situation. So I’d say going back feels more like a hassle than a chance to relive my glory days.

I’m not entirely sure why that is. Perhaps that’s because so much has happened in the ten years since, personally and on a global scale. It could be that either the world started becoming a darker place to be, or I started realizing the true extent of its darkness, or both, after college, and that dampens the feelings a bit. Maybe my sense of nostalgia only extends to formative media that I experienced at a certain age, rather than phases of my life.

Most likely, it has to do with not just being a different person than I was then, but the kind of person I am. I’m always looking forward, rather than looking back. Rather than focus on what happened or what I wish happened, I prefer to look into the future and daydream of what might happen or what I hope will happen.

But hey, maybe that’s all for the best. After all, there’s a time and place for everything. There was a time when college was one of the main focuses of my life, and that time has long ended. And like I said, I still have fond memories of what I experienced during those four years. Not to mention knowledge from my classes and life lessons that I’ve carried with me through the years. And I will always be grateful for that.

I just don’t want to focus on what was and what could have been. Instead, I want to focus on what is now and what could be.

Which, in its way, is probably a good thing. And I bet my old alma mater would agree. After all, Ohio State’s motto is disciplina in civitatem, or “education for citizenship.” And I got the education I needed to make my way as an adult and a citizen in this crazy world, trying to improve it and eke out a living as best I can. And if I’m not dying to go back or constantly wistful for my college days, then I consider it a job well done.

How do you feel about your college days, Followers of Fear? Do you miss them? What do you think and how do you feel when you look back at them? Let’s discuss.