Posts Tagged ‘living and life’

question has been bugging me for some time now. What is the worst possible death a character can receive in horror fiction? As death, mayhem and slaughter are common byproducts of the stories told in horror fiction, it’s a question that I think horror writers should consider deeply. And sadly we can’t use old Master Splinter’s opinion: “You die without honor”. Wise words from an anthropomorphic rat, but I’m not sure they can apply in this genre.

I’ve had plenty of possible answers, many of which I’ve discarded because I came up with a good reason why they shouldn’t be the answer or because the answers I came up with just didn’t feel right. A terrifying death? No, that’s too easy. A slow death? By then death is a release. A painful death? Same answer as the last one. A slow and painful death? Death would still be a release. A death that you can see coming from a mile away? As scary as that would be, at the end of it you’d just be relieved.

And then the answer hit me the other day: a death, whether it be slow, or fast, painful or quick, terrifying in its execution or just too unexpected to even process what’s happening, that offers the possibility that nothing happens beyond this world. I mean, isn’t that scary? Many world religions spend years trying to hammer out the details of the afterlife just to assure us of one. But what if all that hammering out was for naught? What if all those near-death experiences were just chemicals in the brain? What if an end to our existence was what came after this existence?

If you ask me, that is the worst sort of death you could have in a horror story, and all that leads up to it is just the beginning or an opening act. At the very least, it makes for some interesting food for thought. And it could help create a new story. Or even help improve one’s writing skills  You never know.

At the risk of being morbid, what is the worst sort of death you could imagine happening in a horror story?

Today I received an interesting e-mail from one of the professors in the English department. Some of you may remember Ohm, the short story I wrote about a cult leader who makes up his own brand of meditation and yoga to get money and power. I submitted it to the Jacobson Short Story Award at OSU, hoping that it might do well in the contest and maybe win me a little bit of money for rent purposes.

Today I got the results. While Ohm did not get the first or second prizes, it did get an honorable mention, which is definitely worth celebrating. The person who reviewed Ohm, a novelist and a professor from the University of Colorado, Boulder, said it deserved the honorable mention “for its confident use of language”. Reading that gave me a boost to my own confidence.

I’m glad Ohm got some good recognition, even if it didn’t win the award. I’ll see about getting it in a print magazine, and if that route is unsuccessful, maybe I’ll publish it on WattPad. I won’t know until I try, so I’ll be optimistic and see what opportunities are available.

That’s all for now. I’ve got a big night of writing ahead of me. I hope to have more good news and more posts to write as time goes by. Wish me luck.

As if one piece of great news wasn’t enough for today, I got some more: I finally have a thesis advisor! His name is Professor Martinez, and he’s a professor in the Creative Writing department at Ohio State. I emailed him about 16, 17 days ago (I was emailing just about everyone with a “Professor” title at that point) and got an email back two weeks ago, asking to take a look at some of my material. Today he emailed back and said yes.

I’m very happy about finally finding an advisor. I seriously wanted to do a novel for a thesis for all the benefits it could do for me as well as for the challenge it presented. Unfortunately OSU’s staff tends to be more literary fiction-oriented than genre fiction-oriented. That, and a lot of the teachers I asked were either too busy or uncomfortable with genre fiction or novel writing to work with me. I’m really glad I was able to finally find someone willing to work with me.

Also, it looks like I’ll be working with another student. In the email, Professor Martinez mentioned that I was going to be working with someone named “Paul” and that we’ll be critiquing each other’s work. I have no idea who Paul is or what his work will be like, but I like the idea of working with not one, but two people giving me feedback and helping me shape this novel I want to work on into something great.

Well, that’s all for now. If anything else comes up, I’ll let you know. Wish me luck. I’m going to try and get a grant for the thesis even though the deadline is past to apply (you need a thesis advisor to apply for grants, and I got mine after the deadline). Good night, Followers of Fear.

This year in Ohio, same-sex marriage is on the ballot. As someone who supports LGBT rights, I’m throwing my support in for anyone who wants to marry someone regardless of their sex. It’s only just right.

But besides that, there’s something else I want to share with you all. I’m bisexual. I’ve been bisexual for nearly 21 years (though I’ve only just recently realized it) and I’ll be bisexual for the rest of my life. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

For those of you who aren’t very well-versed in bisexuality (or in the LGBT community at all, for that matter), this only means that I am attracted to men as well as women. I don’t really have a preference or a set type. All I care about is that I’m happy with the person I’m with and if they’re happy with me. I’m not confused or unsure of which one I really like, as some–even members of the LGBT community–might think. I also am not confused, living a horrid lifestyle, or have the Devil whispering in my ear (I think he’d rather whisper in the ears of Assad or Putin than in mine). It’s a biological trait based on a combination of several genes, and there could be a good argument that it runs in my family.

Also, I’m not oversexed or always looking at guys and girls in a sexual way. If I’m oversexed it’s because I’m a healthy young man in college, and we’re all oversexed to some degree. Also, don’t flatter yourself. I don’t look at every person hoping and praying for a hook-up, including you. I’m not even sure what my type is, so don’t assume you’re it. And I’m also not looking to molest kids or brainwash kids. The monsters who molest kids are only looking for power over victims or because they can’t rise to the occasion (so to speak) with adults, so they target kids. And you can’t brainwash kids to be LGBT: like I said before, it’s genetic. If you’re kid is LGBT, it’s because they were that way at conception. And the more you try to prove me wrong or pray away the gay or whatever, the more you’ll find I’m right.

And the LGBT community is not a cabal or a bunch of bullies. If there’s a cabal, gay marriage would already be legal in every nation on earth and anti-gay rhetoric would result in prison sentences. Also, calling us bullies is saying that a small minority, maybe 10-20% of the population at the most, is more powerful than the heterosexual majority and is able to beat up straight people on the streets. I really don’t think that’s the reality. Do you?

I also don’t let my sexuality define me. I’m not that kid from Glee who everybody identifies as “the gay guy” or “the gay guy with the really high voice”. I identify more with the fact that I’m a horror writer or that I’m Jewish than I do with my sexuality. So if you start calling me “the bisexual horror writer”, I’ll counter that with “I’m a writer that just happens to be attracted to both men and women.” And most people wouldn’t realize my sexuality if they looked at me. They might realize I’m eccentric or not your ordinary college student. But my sexuality? I’d need to reveal it or be detected by an actual gaydar for people to realize it.

How did this post become a testimony for the fallacies with most anti-gay arguments and how people should treat me? I’m not sure, but I want to say that I’m happy to let people know finally about who I am and not have to keep it to myself like a disgusting burp. It’s just who I am, like my being a writer or Jewish or that I can make a conversation amusing and strange with just one sentence. Just one part of being me.

And if you don’t like what I am, if you believe differently about my sexuality, then that’s your choice. Just don’t leave hateful comments or try to tell me I can be cured or that I’m going to Hell. I don’t even believe in Hell! Judaism has no set definition of the afterlife. We’re more likely to be plagued by acid reflux than by an afterlife of fire and brimstone for our transgressions, and I’m already on antacids. But if you want to try to change me or make me feel bad for being who I am, then I don’t think we should associate too much, online or offline.

Finally, I would like to close this post with a big, hearty thank you for all of you who’ve supported me and continue to support me. The love I’ve received and the acceptance of who I am is overwhelming, and I’m happy to be surrounded by so many understanding and loving people. It’s great to be who I am and not punished for it. So I bid you adieu till next time, my Followers of Fear (which might be later today, who knows?). And let me say to all those who are suffering from bigotry, it gets better. Don’t despair, because there are so many people like you and we all love you regardless of who you’re attracted to. All you have to do is reach out, and we’ll be there for you.

In the meantime, please enjoy this awesome video: Same Love by Macklemore and Ryan Lewis. It repeats a lot of what I’ve been saying here, and it is an anthem of love, truth, and hope for so many people out there. Please watch it with me. Thank you.

I had a very exciting day today. A couple members of my study abroad group and I, along with one of the professors leading the trip, went to an assisted-living home to meet some veterans of WWII and Korea. It was quite the edifying experience, and we all enjoyed it immensely.

We arrived there around a quarter to one in the afternoon and were shown up to the multipurpose room on the second floor. There, we met several veterans and one survivor of the Holocaust, a man by the name of Mr. Cohen, whom we all got a chance to speak to first. Mr. Cohen was a German Jew who lost his family at Auschwitz and was lucky enough to survive the camps. It was very humbling to listen to him speak about his experiences, about being evacuated from the camps when the Russians got close, about meeting his wife and moving into America, and most of all about getting the tattoo on his arm and ceasing to be anything more than a number. Mr. Cohen’s granddaughter was there as well, and she urged her grandfather t tell more stories, but he didn’t want to. I can’t blame him, considering the horrors he survived. It must be really difficult to relive them.

Afterwards we split up and went around the room speaking to different people about their experiences. There were two Navy men named Earl and Herb who had served on different ships and tried to give us an idea of what it was like living on a crowded ship like that. Not only did they do that, but they gave me an idea for a novel (sometimes I worry I get too many of those. Lord knows I won’t be able to write all of them at the rate I have ideas). We also spoke to a man who fought in both wars and a woman who packed the parachutes used by paratroopers in the European theater. Apparently she wrote her name on every parachute so that if something went wrong, they could find out who packed the parachute (luckily that eventuality never came up).

And that was just the experiences of me and a friend; the others spoke to vets we never got a chance to speak to. And every time we sat down to speak to someone, time just flew by. Before we knew it there were the final photo ops and the last chances to grab snacks and examine the WWII memorabilia brought in by a man whose father fought in the war (everyone got a little nervous when I started examining a Hitler Youth dagger and a German Luftwaffe short sword. Well, I’m sorry I write horror stories, but there’s no reason to think I’d actually use them! I don’ t kill people outside the books). And before we left, we all got some souvenirs: tiny can openers to open C-rations with. I’m not sure how we ended up getting those, but I was definitely grateful to receive mine.

But most of all, I was grateful to speak to so many veterans. The people who experienced WWII first-hand are a dying breed, as one vet observed during the final photo-op. And it’s true. We are losing more WWII vets and Holocaust survivors everyday. Getting to speak to them is a privilege that my children (should I have any) won’t be able to have. If the chance to speak to these living treasure troves of history presents itself to you, I hope you take advantage of it. I’m certainly glad I did.

I have to get back to the homework I have. The day just got away from me and I have a little bit more I want to work on before the day is out. And if I can get my hands on those photos, I will try to post them here on this blog, because it’d be an honor to share them with you all. See you later, my Followers of Fear.

I just finished going over what I have so far of Laura Horn. I honestly thought it wouldn’t take this long to get through less than twenty chapters, but at least I got it done sooner rather than later. Now I can start working on original material.

For those of you who are not very familiar with my WIP yet, Laura Horn is the story of a girl who inadvertently becomes the one person who can save the United States from forces within its own government. However Laura is a damaged soul, a girl with a traumatic past that often paralyzes her in the face of danger. So in order to save her country’s future, she has to confront her painful past. I came up with the idea for the story by wondering if I could write a genre story where a character with a seriously damaged past could grow in spirit throughout the story and become a hero at the same time. The rest of the story came from that.

I started LH last July but had to put it on hold in October because of an increasing amount of homework and because I was working on Video Rage, the sequel to Reborn City, at the same time. It was just too much to cope with, so I had to cut back (which may have actually added to my stress levels, but that’s a story for another time). When the semester ended in early December, I focused on getting Video Rage done first. Then when I finished that back in January, I worked on several short stories and articles, and finally during spring break I began looking through Laura Horn again.

My first impression going through the first twenty chapters was this: I remembered writing much better prose than what I encountered going through those chapters. Then again, this is a first draft so it’s supposed to suck a little. Anyway, while reading through the early chapters I found myself doing a lot of editing work so that the story would flow better and so that I could continue without obsessing over this or that mistake or inconsistency. At the same time, that extended my rereading of the early chapters so that I ended up needing a few more days to get through the first twenty chapters.

Well, I’m here at this juncture in the writing process now, the point where I can contribute some new original chapters to the manuscript. Better late than never. And now I’m going to reread the outline for the book, and then I’m going to see about starting on the next chapter before I get ready for bed tonight. With any luck, I’ll be able to get a few new chapters of LH done before I leave for my study abroad trip in May (trust me, I won’t be doing a lot of writing or blogging during that time).

Well, wish me luck, my Followers of Fear. I’m going to get back to work now. Have a good night and a great weekend.

I’ve been meaning to blog about this since I found out the good news this morning. Unfortunately I had work, and then I had classes, and then I had a 2-hour orientation for my study abroad trip and then I came home and started on homework and laundry, and these next two days will probably be crazy as well, and–whack!–I just slapped myself to stop me from rambling on. My friends are right, I would make an interesting late-night host or sitcom character.

Back to the point of this post (if we were ever at the point of this post to begin with): I submitted Reborn City to the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award in the Fantasy/Science Fiction/Horror category about a month ago. I figured that it was free-of-charge, that it couldn’t hurt to try, and that even if I didn’t get a cash prize, after a certain round or two you got reviews from the judges. At the very least I might get a few more people to read RC. So why the heck not? I submitted RC through my account on Createspace, and I went back to my life.

This morning, keenly aware that today was the day that the results would be released letting authors know who got to the second round, I went online to find out if I was among the lucky winners. I scrolled through the list of 400 authors and novels in my category, trying to find my name and RC‘s title among them. And on the third or fourth page, my name popped out at me. Rami Ungar. Reborn City. I’d passed the first round.

I was ecstatic! I’d figured that since it was my first novel, RC probably wouldn’t make it past the first round. Sure, I’d gotten some amazing reviews off Amazon and from friends and family who were in the middle of the book, but I was sure I was too inexperienced an author to get to the second round. Well, just goes to show that authors can be the worst judge of their own work sometimes. RC passed.

Now that the first hurdle has been overcome, it’s time to get ready for the second round. I believe instead of an excerpt of RC, the full manuscript is required, so I’m going to try to upload it tonight. I don’t believe I’ll get to the finals or win the whole contest (like I said, it’s my first book and I’m not as good as I could be yet), but I’d like to at least get to the quarterfinals. At that stage they give reviews of your book, and any feedback, positive or negative, is welcome.

Well, I’ve finally blogged about it, so I’m going to get everything else out of my way so I can focus on getting to the quarterfinals (which are announced on April 11). I’m so excited, and I’m extremely grateful to be given this opportunity to possibly expand RC to a wider audience and to get some constructive feedback from experienced professionals. Wish me luck, Followers of Fear!

I got The Hunger Games: Catching Fire on DVD on Friday and watched it this afternoon. If I were to do a review, I’d say it was a very good adaptation of a book I absolutely hated for a number of reasons. However, I’m not writing this post as a review for Catching Fire. I’m writing this post because, after I took the DVD out and went to make my dinner, I thought to myself, “There is such a difference between Katniss Everdeen and Zahara.”

And indeed, there is a great difference between the two characters. And I’m not just talking about upbringing, religious identification, and their experiences. I think the biggest differences between Katniss and Zahara is their access to choices in their lives. (Okay, there’s also major differences in character development, but since all three books of The Hunger Games are out and only one book of the Reborn City series is out, I won’t go into that lest I spoil something).

In THG, Katniss rarely has any sort of choice in what she can or can’t do. Except for certain memorable instances, Katniss follows a script that someone else wrote, whether that be the Capitol or someone associated with the Capitol, or District 13 and someone in the rebellion. Sure, the moments when she gets a chance to make her own choices are pretty momentous. She volunteered for the Hunger Games, she nearly committed suicide using poison berries, and she killed President Coin in an act of revenge. But other than those moments, she’s mostly dancing to the tune of someone else’s fiddle. And she’s either unaware of it or she’s aware of it and so pissed off about it.

Zahara, on the other hand, has a little more leeway. When I wrote Reborn City and started planning its sequels, I obviously wasn’t planning on writing about Zahara’s choices. But after she’s forced to join the Hydras, she does find that she has a bit of choice in the events that occur later on in the story. And those choices do end up affecting the Hydras in several ways, whether  it involve a gang war about to go wrong, or by a simple encouragement that changes the way someone thinks. And as the series goes on, Zahara will get to make more choices, some of which will have greater effects than the previous ones she’s made.

Why the difference? Well, I guess you’d have to ask the authors. In addition to wanting to create a story that was a commentary on both our addictions to violence and reality TV, Suzanne Collins also wanted (I’m assuming) to allow readers to relate to the feeling that our lives are not our own. We’ve all been there, had those moments when we felt our lives weren’t our own, where we felt like our lives are being directed by someone else. Maybe our parents, our employers, our teachers, our government, our spouses, etc. Basically we have to subordinate our lives to the needs or whims of others. This speaks to plenty of people, particularly teenagers and young adults who are constantly pressured to fulfill the wishes and pressures of the adults around them. I can only guess as to why Mrs. Collins wanted to weave that theme into her trilogy, or if she even realized what she was weaving in until it was already there. What is obvious that Katniss exemplifies that theme of lack of control over one’s life, and it’s part of why people identify with her.

With Zahara and RC on the other hand, the intentions were very different. I realized early on in writing a novel about street gangs that people in gangs or in slums or broken families or several other similar situations that they feel like they can’t leave the situations they’re in. This attitude, which seems to perpetuate itself over generations in a terrible self-fulfilling prophecy, horrified me. Imagine people who didn’t try to change their horrible lives because they felt that trying was impossible, that it would only lead to pain and regret. Where they were was where they belonged. Throughout the trilogy I try to fight that belief through the travails of Zahara and the Hydras, making choices and fighting for not only their lives, but also to live their lives as they wish.

So I guess this difference in opportunity and choice for Katniss Everdeen and Zahara Bakur really just boils own to the intentions of the authors when we were writing our stories. I strove to write about teens fighting against a world that oppresses them and tries to control them, while Mrs. Collins seems to have written a story about a world where, among other things, the lives of others are maddeningly not their own.

It’s interesting what the intentions of the autor can do for a single story, isn’t it?

That’s all for now. Tomorrow school starts up again, so I’m heading to bed to get ready for the big day. Goodnight, Followers of Fear, and have a great week.

Today at work, I had a mostly usual day. Went through a ton of files, ate lunch, went through another ton of files, and had conversations with some of my coworkers about life, the weather, and the job. Pretty average. Oh, except for the fact that I came up with several different ideas for short stories and articles today. About 16 new ideas total, if I remember correctly.

And this is not unusual for me: just yesterday I had an idea for a psychological horror novel. The day before that, I came up with a science-fiction/horror novel, all while sitting calmly at my desk and going through file after file after file. So while coming up with so many ideas in a single day is somewhat unusual for me, coming up with ideas while working or going to classes is a pretty regular occurrence for me.

Why am I making a blog post out of this? Because there are some writers–not many, but some–who are under the mistaken impression that holding any sort of job will stifle creative juices and ruin them as an artist. For example, I used to be on friendly terms with a writer and blogger over in Europe. He wrote a lot of poetry, took plenty of photos, and was working on a novel. For reasons that I never found out, he and his wife separated and he ended up living on the streets. Because he didn’t want to get a job that would most likely force him to be a slave to a corporation or a government (at least based on his political views I assume that’s why he didn’t get a job), along with his views that a job would ruin his artistic power, he asked his readers to donate money to him through PayPal so that he could buy airline tickets to America where his parents were. Nobody donated, which he felt was a personal insult and he got really nasty afterwards. When I tried to be nice and encouraging to him, he swore at me, leading me to stop following him. Last I checked he’s still in Europe and living on the streets billing himself as a starving artist.

Now, I’m not saying that all artists who refuse to get jobs are like this. Many are the kindest, sweetest people you’ll ever meet. They’re sincere about wanting to do well in their chosen fields. But I do want to let artists of all kinds know that a job won’t necessarily ruin your career and your skills, whether you’re selling only a few books or several thousand books. In fact, sometimes a job can help you. Several of the people in my office read my work when it comes out; I wouldn’t have made some of the money I’ve made without their help. Not only that, but I’ve made a few connections through my job, including with a screenwriter I met today who’s working on a screenplay while helping students out with financial aid and other questions during the day. Tomorrow I’d like to give him the name of a professor at school who also has connections to Hollywood. I figure that’d help him.

So don’t worry about losing your creative streak if you get a 9 to 5 or even just a part-time job. It may actually make you more creative, or give you the drive to produce better work just so you can get out of that job. I’ve certainly benefitted from working. I’ve come up with so many ideas over the years while working in the financial aid office. I don’t think I would’ve come up with those ideas if I was in a different setting.

Not to mention the fact that I would’ve had to move back in with my parents or become homeless long ago if I hadn’t gotten a job. Trust me, I’m very grateful for that. Especially since I’m sheltered from the cold. Do you know how bad the weather can be in Ohio in winter?

If you’re still not sure, just go ahead and try it. Give it a month or two. If a job does kill you creatively, then I’m sorry that you can’t write while holding a job. And if you don’t find any change or instead find yourself becoming more creative, then I’m glad things are working out for you and I wish you luck in whatever occupation you’re currently working in.

How has holding a job affected your creativity? What advice do you have for authors who are concerned about how a job might affect their writing?

Yes, this is the novel's cover layout. What do you think of it?

Yes, this is the novel’s cover layout. What do you think of it?

Hard to believe with the new year already in March (how did that happen?) and so much else going on in my crazy life, but it’s already three months away from when my next novel Snake is released on June 10th. And as I’ve said in previous posts, that’ll be two years to the day I started working on Snake, which is both symbolic and more proof that time just seems to fly by.

For those of you who haven’t become familiar with Snake yet, it is a thriller novel I wrote back in 2012 and which, with the help of author Angela Misri, I edited throughout 2013 and January of 2014. It is the story of a young man who becomes a serial killer in order to save his girlfriend from a powerful organized crime family. It’s definitely one of my darker stories, at times even scaring me. I also think it’s one of my best stories, and I hope people like it and the characters as much as I do. Oh, and there are no actual snakes in the book. I’ve had people tell me they won’t read it just based on that title. I’ve heard you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover (especially when it has a naked lady on it) but that’s ridiculous.

If you’d like to read an excerpt of Snake, you can click here to read the first chapter. And if you look below this paragraph, you’ll find the book trailer for Snake, which I created through iMovie after school one day. It’s very dark and gritty, which I think reflects the novel very well.


I’ll bring up Snake again when we get a little closer to the release date. I’m looking forward to it. Are you?