Archive for the ‘Reflections’ Category

I Would Like to Own a Haunted Doll…

Posted: December 3, 2018 in Living and Life, Reflections, Scary Stuff
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The real Annabelle doll next to the movie version.

The other day I was driving home from grocery shopping, and this silly insurance commercial came on the radio about a creepy doll. According to the commercial’s announcer, the scary doll, which can’t help being creepy and claims horror movies as its natural habitat, knows paying less for car insurance is good sense. The announcer then says, “The only question is, how did the creepy doll get down the hallway? I would get out of the house if I were you.”

I responded to said commercial, “Well, you’re not me. And after I finished going ‘Oh holy shit, the doll moved!’ I’d take the opportunity to find out as much as I can about the doll and the spirit possessing it.”

Yeah. That’s me in a nutshell.

My relationship with dolls have gone through a transformation over the years. At first I was freaked out by them, but over time I’ve become enamored of them, and even have a small collection of dolls and figurines. And the idea that some dolls and figurines might be inhabited by spirits fascinates me. I enjoy the Annabelle films and would love to own the collectible version of it (I hear the actual Annabelle doll is a little hard to come by, especially since it’s under lock and key. So that’s out). I enjoy watching videos about haunted dolls on YouTube, including this one from Buzzfeed.

I seriously thought this doll was haunted at one point. For better or worse, it’s not.

And it probably won’t shock you that I once suspected one or two from my own collection were haunted (I swear I thought I saw the arm of a figurine move, though that particular arm has no joints). I even checked one of my dolls, the one I thought most likely to be haunted, to see if it had any spirits. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately, depending on your opinion), my dowsing rods experiment didn’t yield any meaningful results, so I’m going to have to say that’s a no.

But a part of me would like to own a haunted doll. Why? Well, I guess for the same reason people collect salt and pepper shakers or go out of their way to get comic books. Something about the item in question appeals to them. Dolls already appeal to me, and I’ve been to haunted locations before.  Seems like just a great meeting of two loves, like scaring people and writing.

And as the Buzzfeed video above says, you can find those pretty easily on sites like eBay. I was actually on Etsy the other day and saw this one haunted doll that I felt almost drawn to. And it was reasonably priced. You know, for a doll that might actually have a self-aware spirit or intelligent entity attached to it.

Of course, the problem there is that, yes, the doll has someone or something attached to it. Some dolls, like the actual Annabelle doll, supposedly have one or more demons attached to it. Imagine taking something like that into your home and being negatively affected by it. The doll or its spirit could destroy property, threaten lives, etc. Robert the Doll supposedly curses anyone who takes pictures with him without permission, which can lead to financial ruin and physical harm.

And if it does have something nasty attached to it, what would I do to contain it? I’m acquainted with one of the former owners of the Dybbuk Box,* and he had to go to all sorts of lengths to keep that box from affecting him and his family. Imagine what I might have to go through to keep that doll from messing with my life.

But I guess that’s the risk bringing anything into your home that’s alive. Yeah, a haunted doll would be a lot more complicated than a pet, but it’s still something I would like to try.

Perhaps in the future I’ll be given the chance to bring a haunted doll into my house. And who knows? It might not lead to anything, but I’ll hopefully have fun and get a few story ideas from it.

But tell me, do you think haunted dolls exist? Do you have any stories you’d like to share? Would you own one if you could? Let me know in the comments.

Thanks for reading another post by me about just how strange I am. As always, appreciate the support. I’ll hopefully have another post out later this week. Until then, my Followers of Fear, good night and pleasant nightmares!

*For those of you who don’t know, a dybbuk is a ghost in Jewish folklore that’s turned away from Heaven and Hell and possesses living people to interact with the real world. The dybbuk box is a wine cabinet that supposedly has a malevolent dybbuk attached to it, and has been blamed for a number of misfortunes that befell past owners. Currently it’s housed in Zak Bagans’s Haunted Museum, where you have to be 18 or over and sign a waiver to see the box, as it curses anyone near it, including rapper Post Malone.

If you think you’ve heard of this before, that’s because the Dybbuk Box was the inspiration for the horror movie The Possession (which I highly recommend), and dybbuks in general have inspired countless pieces of literature and theater, including a famous play and ballet, and even a certain short story from my college days.

Where Can I Turn? Thoughts on the Rise in Anti-Semitic Incidents Lately

Posted: November 26, 2018 in Living and Life, Politics and Leadership, Reflections, Social Activism
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Some days it’s harder to know where you stand than others.

Last month, a white supremacist went on a shooting rampage in Tree of Life synagogue in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. All of the victims were senior citizens and a few were Holocaust survivors. That they should live so long and survive so much, just for one hateful man to snuff out their lives, hurts and horrifies me and several other members of the Jewish community on so many levels. In my own response to the shooting, I mentioned I felt connected to the attack in a very personal way. I almost ended up living in Pittsburgh when I was a kid instead of Columbus. Imagine what mght’ve happened if I’d stayed there, and if my synagogue had been Tree of Life?

Since that horrific day, there have been more anti-Semitic incidents. None on the scale as the Pittsburgh synagogue shooting, but still horrific. In Baltimore, a man interrupted a performance of Fiddler on the Roof, a play revolving around Jewish characters dealing with change and anti-Semitism, by shouting “Heil Hitler! Heil Trump!”; in Wisconsin, nearly an entire class of graduating high school boys threw up the Hitler salute for a prom photo; in Cleveland, flyers with links to a neo-Nazi website around Case Western University; and in Argentina, soccer fans rioted and shouted “Kill the Jews to make soap!” after a team composed of mainly Jewish players defeated the team whose stadium they were visiting.*

And that’s just the ones I know about. There are probably other incidents that have yet to reach my ears.

I know that what I and the Jewish people is nothing new or out of nowhere. Many minorities are facing discrimination and harassment right now, and it seems to only be growing. Regardless, all these incidents happening within such a short span of time, and after the Pittsburgh shooting to boot, have me on edge. It makes me wonder if this wont become a much bigger trend, where anti-Semitism becomes an everyday occurrence.

It makes me wonder whether or not it’ll be safe to stay in this country much longer. And if it should become too dangerous, where would I go? Canada? Europe? Israel? Would it only be a matter of time before more violence broke out? Before I had to flee from those who would see me dead just for being born a certain faith and heritage?

Still, I have reason to hope and to stave off the fear.

We’ve all heard the poem by Lutheran pastor Martin Niemoller, but it bears repeating.

First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out–
Because I was not a socialist.

Then they came for the trade unionists, and i did not speak out–
Because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out–
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me–and there was no one left to speak for me.

While there are still plenty of people who aren’t willing to speak out,** I’ve had the pleasure of knowing plenty of people in and outside the Jewish community and the United States who will speak out against injustice. Many of them I’ve met through blogging and online interaction as well as face-to-face communication. They’ve reached out to me when I needed it and have stood up for me too. I know that well before things get too harsh to live safely in this country, they will come to my side and stand by me.

So if you’re reading this, I urge you to speak out when you see hatred and injustice. Right now it may seem like a struggle not worth going through with insurmountable barriers to face, but it can be done. By showing up to events, by giving to causes, by voting in every election (especially voting in every election!), by sending your voice out through the world to be heard, you can make a difference. And I urge you to do so. If not for us, for you. So you can say you fought to keep the world a little less hateful and a little more kind.

Thanks for letting me talk about this, my Followers of Fear. I know it’s shocking that some things scare me, but it’s true. I’m trying to channel that fear into the story I’m working on now, make it an even better story. Until then, keep safe and pleasant nightmares.

*This incident feels eerily like deja vu to me, because something similar happened to my school’s soccer team in high school. As some of you know, my high school was a Jewish day school, so all the students and half the staff were Jews. One day in my junior year, the soccer team won against another school, and the latter started shouting anti-Semitic names and rants at my school’s team. I don’t remember much beyond that it nearly came to blows, but it goes to show this isn’t a new thing or coming out of nowhere.

**The superintendent of the school district where those students gave the Nazi salute, for example, said she couldn’t punish them for their acts because of First Amendment rights and she “couldn’t be sure” of the intentions of the students. Seems pretty obvious to me, and people get fired or punished for things they say all the time!

The Rising Author Tag

Posted: November 23, 2018 in Novel, Progress Report, Reflections, Writing
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I was nominated by my friend and fellow writer Kat Impossible from the blog Life and Other Disasters. She rarely nominates me directly for these things because she knows I don’t always have the time for them and because they don’t always apply to me, so when she can nominate me for one, I do try to do it. And the Rising Author Tag, to boot! It means so much that she thinks so highly of me, especially since she’s not a fan of horror and that’s mainly what I write. Danke, Kat! I really appreciate it.

Okay, on to the tag rules:

  • Thank the person who tagged you.
  • Answer the questions they came up with.
  • Nominate four people to do the tag (no tagging the person who tagged you originally).
  • Come up with 10 new questions for the people you nominated.

I’ve already thanked Kat for this, so I’m good on that front. Here are the questions she has charged me with answering.

What is your current WIP about and what is its status (plotting, writing, editing, etc.)?

Well, I’ve got a few stories that are in various stages of writing and editing. However, I think I’ll talk about Rose, as it’s probably the one I need to talk about the most! So if you haven’t heard, Rose is a novel I originally wrote in my senior year of college as my thesis. Last year I began the long process of editing and shopping it around, and Castrum Press, based in Belfast, North Ireland, accepted it for publication earlier this year. At this time, they’re looking it over to see how much more work needs to be done before we can talk publication dates.

As for what it’s about, Rose follows a young woman who turns into a plant creature (yeah, you read that right). She beomes that way when a young man claiming to be her boyfriend performs magic to save her life after she suffers a terrible accident. However, she starts to suspect that not all is as it seems, and as she looks deeper into her savior, she finds things out that will put them both on an unavoidable path of destruction.

Do you plot things out and/or outline, or do you just figure it out as you write?

With very few exceptions, I plot and outline my stories out before writing them. I find that trying to write by the seat of my pants leads to long pauses where I try to figure out what happens next and come up with nothing. When I plot/outline, I have an idea of where I’m going, which allows me to imagine out the story before I sit down to write it.

There are a few stories where I don’t need to outline, but the plot’s usually fully-formed in my head with those stories, so I don’t think it really counts.

What are some book ideas you want to write in the future?

I keep a list of story ideas I’d like to write in the future, so I don’t forget any good ones. I doubt I’ll get to write them all given how many there are (not to mention short story ideas), but I’d like to write stuff that people will remember for years to come. In the meantime, I’ve had some thoughts about what I’ll write after Rose and River of Wrath (the other novel I wrote) are out/in the process of being published. There’s one about a school haunting that appeals, as well as one partially inspired by the Salem Witch Trials, and a few more.

We’ll just have to see what feels right when the time comes, shall we?

Out of the characters you’ve written so far, which one’s your favorite?

I’m not sure I have a favorite. After all, these characters are like my own children. I can’t pick a favorite among my kids! Even if some of them are dangerous killers or demons or whatnot.

What’s your writing routine, if any? (location, time of day, snacks, music, etc.)

I usually write on my couch or at my desk with some sort of music playing in my earbuds. What sort of music changes pretty frequently. These days, it’s mostly the albums from various musicals. Not sure why, they just appeal right now. I also mainly write in the evenings, just because that’s when it’s easiest for me to write: no work, no dinner to prepare, no emails to answer. Obviously, if I’m able to write full-time one day, that’ll change, but at the moment it works for me.

Oh, one more thing: I always make a goal to write at least a thousand words when I sit down to work on a story, up from two hundred and fifty earlier this year. After that, it’s pretty easy to keep going, but it can be a challenge to get to a thousand some days. Still, I manage to do it, and it helps my output in the long run. Maybe someday I’ll be able to make a minimum of twenty-five hundred words a day (Stephen King’s minimum threshold, or so I hear). Fingers crossed that someday I can make all that and more happen.

Show your WIP’s aesthetic in images and/or words.

Kat did one with images that’s supposed to get to the basics of what she’s written, so I tried to do something similar. Once the book’s out, most of these images will make a lot more sense.

Who or what motivates you to write?

I think I would write even if it weren’t for anyone other than myself. I have so many stories floating in my head that I need to exorcise them through writing so they can get out of there. But at the same time, I write because so many people want to read my stories and I want them to read them, so I keep trying to get those stories out there and build my audience. With any luck, I’ll be able to get a lot of people interested in my stories and they’ll come back to them time and time again.

What do you find the easiest and hardest parts of writing?

The easiest is coming up with the ideas for my stories. There are so many ways to scare someone, they just pop into my head and become stories. Sometimes I have several ideas in a single day just going through my daily routine. The hardest, however, is staying on task. My ADHD sometimes makes it difficult to concentrate on getting my daily thousand-plus words out. Once I reach a thousand, that’s usually not a problem, but until I do, it can be difficult to stay focused.

Share a tiny snippet/excerpt from your WIP, if you’re comfortable.

Since Rose is still under renovations, so to speak, I’ll hold off for now. When the book’s a bit closer to publication, then I’ll give you all some excerpts.

 

And now for my questions for those I tag:

  1. Tell us about what you’re working on or recently released.
  2. Where in the process of writing are you?
  3. What is the most difficult part of writing the story at this point?
  4. What about your main character do you like the most?
  5. What is your writing process/routine, if you have one?
  6. Do you pants your way through a story, or do you plot it out?
  7. What are your characters’ musical interests?
  8. What’s next for you in terms of writing?
  9. If you could pick a narrator for your story’s audio book, who would you pick?
  10. Share an excerpt or snippet, if you’re comfortable.

And I tag my buddy Matthew Williams from Stories by Williams, Angela Misri from A Portia Adams Adventure, Ruth Ann Nordin, Joleene Naylor, and ANYONE ELSE WHO WANTS TO DO THIS TAG!

That’s all for now, I’ve got to get dinner on the table in a few minutes. Until next time, my Followers of Fear, pleasant nightmares!

What I’m Thankful For in 2018

Posted: November 22, 2018 in Living and Life, Reflections
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It’s Thanksgiving Day here in the States, a day to be thankful for what we’re given (as well as gloss over some of the darker aspects of our nation’s early history). And as cliche and cringe-inducing as it is, I thought I’d take a moment to post about what I’m thankful for this year. Why? Eh, it just felt like something I ought to write about.

And with that established, what do I have to be thankful for? Well, plenty. 2018 has been a fucking good year for me. Yes, you read that right. 2018 has been a fucking good year for me. On a number of levels and in several areas of my life, it’s been good for me:

Writing. Obviously, things have been great on the writing front. Back in March, my novel Rose was accepted by Castrum Press for publication, which is a pretty big deal. Not only that, they pointed out the issues with the novel that gave me insight in how to fix it in rewrites. Right now Castrum’s probably looking over the manuscript, figuring out what else needs to be improved before we publish the book.

Not only that, but my short story “Car Chasers” was accepted for publication in the anthology The Binge-Watching Cure II from Claren Books, which will likely be out sometime in early 2019; I ended up writing another novel, River of Wrath, and I still get a kick out of all the craziness that came with writing it;* I’ve managed to increase the input so that I get a minimum of thousand words out rather than just a minimum two hundred and fifty; and I passed a thousand followers on my blog.

This is going very well for me lately.

Plus I’ve written a whole bunch of new stories and edited a few more over the course of the year. Hopefully some of them will get published someday. I’m really proud of them, an I would love for you to read some of them.

Work. My day job can be pretty demanding and stressful, but it’s very rewarding. In case you weren’t aware, I work for a supply organization in a sort-of HR position that involves helping employees with disabilities get accommodations so they can continue working, as well as helping to run programs that emphasize the different ethnic/specialty groups in the organization. A lot of people my age have trouble finding jobs, so I’m incredibly thankful that my work helps so many people and that I’m paid enough so I can keep afloat and put something away in savings. Hell, I got a really nice raise earlier this year, which has been really helpful for reasons I’ll get into.

And while I’m working there, I think I’ll continue to soar in the position. Last month, I led the effort to put on a program for National Disability Employment Awareness Month that was very well-received, and I’m being trained on a whole bunch of new tasks. Who knows? Perhaps I’ll soon earn the privilege to work from home once a week by this time next year, among other things.

Life. Ooh boy, life’s been good lately. My back issues have improved immensely this year, to the point that I don’t feel pain every day any more, and when I do it’s usually a dull ache. And of course, you may have heard that I recently got my driver’s license and my own car, which has been a Godsend in my life. Yeah, it’s another bill or two, but thankfully I can afford it. That, and a whole bunch of other things that I won’t get into (they’re a little too personal) have made my life frankly wonderful.

My car, the Unholy Roller. So glad to have a set of wheels of my own.

The people in my life. Including you. While I like living on my own and having my own space, I’m lucky to have a good group of people in my life. Friends to hang out with, family I can go to for advice and hugs, coworkers who help me out when I have a question and even make sure I get home okay when I get sick at work (that happened just the other day). And I’m thankful for all the people who follow me and my work and even read my stories when they’re published. Having so many people encouraging me every day and showing an interest in what I write is a big deal for me. So thank you, Followers of Fear. I’m thankful for you being part of my journey through life.

 

That’s all for now, My Followers of Fear. I’m sure I’ll have another post out before too long, but for now I’ve got to go get some cooking done for tonight. Whether or not you’re celebrating, Happy Thanksgiving my Followers of Fear, and pleasant nightmares.

*Not kidding, I never thought it’d be longer than twenty or thirty thousand words, but it ended up being sixty thousand! But the real crazy part is that I started that novel on October 29th, 2017 and finished it a year and a day later on October 30th, 2018. The novel takes place on October 30th and 31st, 1961. And I finished it at 3 AM, the Devil’s Hour, which is fitting as it’s a novel partially inspired by Dante’s Inferno. You can’t make this shit up!

On Driving My Own Car These Days

Posted: November 11, 2018 in Living and Life, Reflections
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If you weren’t aware, I recently got my own car.

This is a pretty big deal for me. You see, like many Ohio teens, I started learning at age fifteen and a half. However, for a number of reasons, including my own mental temperament (I’d actually freak out a little if I went over the speed limit by a single mile per hour), I stopped trying to learn by seventeen. When I was a student at Ohio State, my college ID got me free access to the buses, and I could walk or bum rides off friends and family for anywhere else I needed to go. Eventually though I started learning again in my senior year, as I knew with graduation approaching I would need a car to get many places.

Since then, I’ve been taking my time in learning, putting my priorities into making sure I had a mastery over driving rather than making sure I got my license and a car already. It may have made my life a bit more difficult than it could’ve been and even limited what jobs I could apply for, but in return I was sure that I was ready to handle a car on my own by the time I was ready to take the test. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but a lot of people seem to forget how to drive safely or obey traffic laws as soon as they get their cars. They change lanes without tun signals, use their phones while driving. etc. I treat any car I drive as a giant, lumbering beast that requires a lot of work to control, moving alongside hundreds of other beasts that may or may not be as well-controlled as mine. That’s why I wanted to make sure I was ready before I went for my license.

All that hard work paid off. This past July, I went and got my license. And on October 29th, I bought my first car, a Honda CR-V you can see in the photo above. It shouldn’t surprise any of you that I nicknamed my car the Unholy Roller (get it?).

And I have to say, I love my car. It meets many of my needs and then some. And I like the independence and ease which driving brings to my life. I can get many places easier now, including to and from work or the movie theater (which during the winters can be a hell of a trip). And I’ve been taking a certain joy in every “first” I take with my car. First drive to work, first grocery run, first trip to and from the movies, first night drive. I’ll probably be doing a musical number when I do my first tank fill up.

Still, I never forget that a single bad decision, on my part or someone else’s, could cause irrevocable damage. To that end, I usually drive a little under the speed limit, sometimes more depending on the time of day and weather conditions. And I get more than a little anxious every time I have to get onto the highway. Okay, I get very anxious. I’m working on that and it gets a bit easier with every exposure, but it’s still a process. And I haven’t even attempted to drive downtown yet (that area is a zoo!).

Well, with any luck I’ll be able to grow as I continue to drive the Unholy Roller and get better used to driving in those areas. Perhaps by this time next year, I’ll be able to drive all over the Midwest for book tours and whatnot. Anything’s possible, so long as I pay the dealership and insurance, keep the tank full and don’t get into any accidents.

Wish me luck on the roads, Followers of Fear. And if you see the Unholy Roller by any chance, RUN! IT’S ACTUALLY DEMONICALLY POSSESSED AND DEVOURS THE SOULS OF PEDESTRIANS!!! And you don’t want to know what it does to bad drivers!

The Two Big Life Choices: A Limited Trope

Posted: November 9, 2018 in Reflections, Writing
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Your protagonist is faced with a terrible choice. Whatever choice they make, they’ll be gaining one great thing but losing something else that’s equally important to them. Which one do they choose? Why can’t they have both? And is that even a possibility?

Sound familiar? This is actually a pretty common trope in a lot of fiction, the “Two Big Life Choices” trope. And I’ll admit, I’m not the biggest fan of it, at least in theory. I see its use, but as the title of this post indicates, the trope has its limits.

Let’s quickly go over it with a hypothetical example, shall we? You’ve got a character, a protagonist who has a big life choice set ahead of them and they have to make a choice soon. Let’s say it’s a young man who is given the chance to be the leader of a powerful mafia clan. His parents, friends and the clan itself want him to take over the clan, and saying no could lead to consequences for him, his parents, the clan and many innocents. On the other hand, he has a girlfriend and child that the former doesn’t know about just because of all that drama, and he wants to stay with them. Problem is, if he accepts the leadership position, he’ll have to leave his family forever to keep them safe. Which will he choose?

This is the Two Big Life Choices trope. And you’ll find it in many different places throughout fiction. Most recently, I found it in The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina on Netflix, and that inspired this post.

The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina has a great example of this trope in its first few episodes.

But as I said, this trope does have its limits. To be specific, while in able hands the trope does create for some strong tension and storytelling while the protagonist goes back and forth between their choices, it will eventually lead to a choice being made. Otherwise, the audience will lose interest with the constant hemming and hawing.

In our hypothetical example, the protagonist could choose to join the mafia clan, destroying his relationship with his girlfriend and child, as well as hardening/numbing all of them to everything that happens from here on out, but allowing one of the most powerful mafia clans in the story’s world to survive under a strong leader. On the other hand, he could give up the mafia clan and run away with his family, leading to his happiness but the dissolution of the clan or it being passed to a leader who will hunt him down for leaving the clan in the lurch, which means they’ll be on the run for the rest of their lives.

You can see where my problem with this trope comes from.

Sometimes though–not every time, but sometimes–there’s a third path to take. This is when the protagonist actually decides to defy convention and take both options or neither one, forging an entirely new road. In the case of our hypothetical story, the protagonist could demand that since all the other options for clan leadership suck, he’ll take the job but only if he’s allowed to marry his girlfriend and raise his child with her under the clan’s protection. This could lead to all sorts of interesting conflicts as the protagonist deals with the strains of trying to be a husband and a father while at the same time dealing with the demands and politics of leading a powerful mafia clan. And for many audience members, this could be the most wished-for option, even when it doesn’t seem all that likely.

Conversely, the protagonist could decide “screw it” on both options and just run in the exact opposite direction, but I’ve never seen that option employed and I have doubts about the quality of the story if it is used. Or the quality of the character.

The managa Nisekoi uses this trope very well, especially in the final arc.

Now, despite its limitations and while I’m not exactly a big fan of this trope in theory (which might limit how much I use it in my own fiction), I do admit that when done right in practice, it is amazing. One story that uses this trope extremely well is the manga Nisekoi, where the “Big Life Choice” is the protagonist trying to decide between two girls he has feelings for in the final chapters of the story. I freaking loved that manga, and looked forward to every single one of its twenty-five volumes. Another great example is the above-mentioned The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, where this trope is a driving force through the first couple of episodes of the first season. And as we can see from the show’s critical reception, people (and this half-human demon lord) love the show and can’t wait for Season 2.

So yes, while this trope does have some limits, it can make for some fun storytelling. The thing to keep in mind while using it is, beyond an interesting set of choices for both character and audiences, keeping the drama and tension high while at the same time keeping it from being melodramatic, as well as figuring out how best to handle the drama that ensues once the choice has been made.

If you can do that, you might just have the makings of a very engaging story. One that can last quite a long time, and will have fans for years afterwards.

What are some good examples of the Two Big Life Choices trope?

Do you use the trope in your own work? What tips do you have for using it?

What is Cosmic Horror?

Posted: November 5, 2018 in Reflections, Scary Stuff, Writing
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I’ve mentioned things like “Lovecraftian horror’ or “cosmic horror” before on this blog, but I’ve never really gone into what those terms mean. And given that someone on the Internet is probably wondering what those terms mean and I need a break from trying to figure out how to end a short story, I thought I’d take a moment to look over what it means when horror fans call something “cosmic horror.”

I actually summed up cosmic horror pretty well last month with a little joke that I shared on my social media. Here’s how it goes:

Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Yog-sothoth.

Yog-sothtoth who?

Your mind couldn’t handle the answer.

Now you’re probably confused by that joke. But in actuality, it summarizes what cosmic horror is pretty well. Namely, there are answers and truths to questions that the human mind can’t handle. And not just answers, but even beings, beings that don’t fit into any sort of recognizable mythology or concept of good and evil. In this sort of horror, humanity is the equivalent of ants in the grand scheme of things, and if they come across any of the things that they shouldn’t–beings of unimaginable size and power, truths that go against everything we’ve ever believed, abilities and technologies that seem blasphemous to human viewpoints–the very contact could kill us or drive us insane. And even if our minds survived in some recognizable state, we would be forever changed. And probably not for the better.

If you haven’t grasped why that’s so scary, let me use an analogy: imagine you’re a farmer living in England in 1066, and a man from the year 2166* comes by and tells you that the world isn’t flat, but round; that the Earth flies around the sun and not the other way around; and that space is a cold and mostly empty void rather than a sphere surrounded by God’s Heaven and angels. Well, you’d obviously think the man from 2166 was crazy. But then he takes you back to his time, and he lives on a ship orbiting the Earth. You see the round Earth below while you float weightless in space and see the dark void beyond Earth. And things like science, gravity, etc. mean absolutely nothing to you. And everything’s new and strange to you, lights too bright and shadows too dark, and the sounds you hear make no sense.

Can you start to see how this could tear at someone’s mind? That someone could be afraid of this?

A universe of incomprehensible beings and terrible secrets is the basis of cosmic horror.

And that’s why cosmic horror has been so popular since HP Lovecraft basically created it back in the early 20th century (which is why it’s also known as Lovecraftian horror). It basically takes the old Judeo-Christian concept of good vs. evil, God versus the Devil, etc, which is essentially a closed and somewhat understandable system, and throws it wide open to a universe where there are multiple forces, none of which are easy to grasp or empathize with, let alone categorize into good vs. evil.

But how do you write it? Well, it’s more than including big, powerful beings that drive people mad (though that is often a feature). They’re more a vehicle for the broader theme: a sense of helplessness, that the universe is big and dark and full of awful things, that humanity is inconsequential and our dealings with the big players never lead to anything good. That, and a sense of untapped mystery can’t hurt. Think the first two Alien films or a dark version of 2001: A Space Odyssey‘s aliens, and you might get the idea.

If you want a better grasp of cosmic horror, I’d suggest looking at some of Lovecraft’s stories.** I recommend The Temple, The Call of Cthulhu, and The Dunwich Horror. I also recommend checking out other writers who use cosmic horror, including Stephen King, Guillermo del Toro, and so many more. Heck, I’ve got a few stories that have some cosmic horror in them. If they ever get published, I’ll let you know.

Cosmic horror can be hard to wrap your mind around sometimes, but once you do, it can open you to all sorts of terrible worlds. And if you can stand what you find, perhaps you will delve deeper. Just be careful when you do. You might not be the same when you come up, after all.

Do you like cosmic horror? What cosmic horror works would you recommend to the unitiated?

*Assuming humanity lives that long, what with global warming and a rising population. You know it’s true!

**If you can stomach his racism. Yeah, I love his work and contribution to horror, but I hate what he believed. If he were around today, I’d either punch him, ignore him for being an asshole, or recommend he take some anti-anxiety medication, get some therapy and maybe some exposure to other communities.

Why I Love Halloween

Posted: October 31, 2018 in Living and Life, Reflections, Scary Stuff
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It’s here! It’s today! It’s the day I celebrate every damn day of the year, even during the High Holidays, but which I celebrate twice as hard in October, because everybody is celebrating it too. It’s Halloween!

I’ve always loved Halloween and the month of October.* In fact, I consider it the most wonderful time of the year. And before you say December and Christmas is the most wonderful time of year, think about this: during this month, you start worrying about a fat old man who watches and stalks you for three-hundred sixty-four days out of the year, and then one night breaks into your home via the chimney. And depending on whatever his judgment of your behavior is, he’s either going to leave behind awful fossil fuels or consumer goods that violate so many patent, copyright and trademark laws, you could be pulled into a class action lawsuit just by association. Prove me wrong!

And that’s just the tip of the iceberg of problems I have with calling December the most wonderful time of the year.

But back to Halloween. You know what makes it really special? It’s a holiday both for the mainstream of society and outcast. For one day, you’re allowed to be someone else and revel in that. No one’s allowed to break that spell, and those who do are cursed to be jerks.

No one’s ever accused me of being mainstream. There were times where I didn’t have many friends, and when I did, I was always a little bit different from them. Call it being neuroatypical, call it being half-human and half-entity from another universe, call it just being different. There was always this barrier between me and other people.

But on Halloween, all that changed. Kids and adults changed into costumes, became other beings and we were all equals. We all had a simple goal of showing off our costumes, getting candy, and having a spooky delightful time. It was magic for me. And as I got older, that magic has still been part of my love for the holiday. That, and more people actually get my obsession with things dark and creepy and horrifying and get into it, too.

But also this strange equalizing. For one night, we’re as different as can be from ourselves and from others, but we’re all equal and having a fun time. In a world where the wrong kind of scary is all too common, that’s something special.

I’m pretty sure if there’s a Heaven that I’ll be allowed into, and if that Heaven individualizes itself for each person in it, it’s going to be a forever Halloween. Lots of people in costumes, and my costume changes at my whim. Plus real monsters to fly around and terrify with. Lots of candy that never tastes bad and never upsets your stomach. There are endless horror themed rides and mazes, as well as libraries and theaters with an endless supply of horror movies, TV shows, books, manga and anime, music and art. All to digest at your leisure. The sun is never a problem (which is good, because even outside of sunscreen season, I have to worry about sun damage to my skin and even to my eyes!), and it’s just cool enough for sweatshirts. And everyone’s as friendly and chummy as the Addams Family, even after you scare them silly. And no one ever feels left out.

Like Hell Fest, but much better.

Seems like a nice dream, doesn’t it? And if it’s one I can someday achieve (though hopefully not too soon), I’ll be happy.

Wishing you a Happy Halloween this year!

In the meantime, I’ll work on making a Heaven on Earth. By that I mean, becoming a successful horror author who can afford to host an awesome Halloween party every October and get a bunch of people into a room to celebrate being scary together.

Wow, I really went on a ramble, didn’t I? Anyway, I think you get what Halloween means to me, don’t you? And I hope it means something special to you too.

That’s all for now, my Followers of Fear. I’ll have another post out by the end of the day, a review of a new scary movie. Until then, Happy Halloween and pleasant nightmares!

*Even if, in Central Ohio, this is the month when summer heat and humidity changes to winter chill. Yeah, there’s no autumn here. It just switches from one extreme to the other. I’m pretty sure God’s punishing us for something, but I can’t figure out what.

Why Do Some Stories Seem to End Early?

Posted: October 30, 2018 in Reflections, Writing
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You ever find yourself reading a story, particularly a horror story, and particularly one of the shorter variety, and it gets really tense? And then something terrifying is revealed? And then–that’s it. The story just ends there. And you’re like…what? What happens next?!

Yeah, this happens quite a bit in fiction, though I notice it more in horror stories than anywhere else. A famous example is Stephen King’s “Boogeyman.” The story follows a man who tells a therapist about how his three children were all killed by the titular entity. The therapist convinces the protagonist to come by for further sessions, but the moment the protagonist turns around, it’s revealed that the therapist is actually the therapist wearing a mask. And that’s how the story ends. No fight between them, no death. It just ends on that revelation.

Why? Why do authors do that? A story should have a beginning, middle, and end. Why does the end seem so abrupt? It can be really frustrating sometimes!

Well, I’ve done this myself a couple of times with my own stories, so I have a few ideas on that. One is to get the reaction I spelled out above. The “Oh my God, what happened next? Why is it stopping so soon?” reaction. Why? Because you’re more likely to remember the story with that reaction. You’ll keep thinking about it. Maybe you’ll even vent your frustrations to other readers, which may encourage them to continue reading. Or maybe you’ll continue the story from there in a fan fiction, one you may share with friends and blog followers. Or maybe you’ll finish the story in a blockbuster movie someday that pulls in millions of dollars at the box office (unlikely, but one can dream). The point is, the story ends that way because the author wants you to remember the story.

Another reason is that the author feels, for whatever reason, that’s a good place to finish the story. As my old high school English teacher Mr. Guinan would say, “A story is never perfect; it’s just done. You can’t do anything more to it to improve it, it’s just done.” In this case, the plot can’t be furthered or worked on anymore. To do anymore would be a disservice to the story and bring down quality. It’s just done, and that’s why the author finished the story at that crucial moment without giving the resolution a reader might be looking for.

And finally, the story might end there because the author themselves can’t imagine what comes next. They try, but for some reason, they can’t see beyond that critical moment: the reveal of the monster, the corpse under the stairs, the woman being pushed into moving traffic (man, I’m disturbed). It’s most likely the rarest reason, because authors generally have an idea of how a story will end when it’s published, but I’m sure it happens.

In any case, whenever an author does this, they don’t do it with any malicious intent. Authors often treat their stories like their babies, and want them to be the best they can be. So when you come across a story and it seems to end abruptly, don’t take it personally. Even if it frustrates you, just know that this is the author’s way of making sure their story is the best that it can be. Because if they’re not making sure their story is the best it can be, are they really doing their job?

At least blog posts don’t end that way. Imagine how frustrating it would be if you were reading a blog post, and it was getting to this important point, and then it just

Feeling Afraid and Under Threat: Thoughts on the Pittsburgh Synagogue Shooting

Posted: October 27, 2018 in Living and Life, Reflections, Social Activism
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I’ve been trying to think of the words to say for hours. I’ve been wondering if I should say anything. I’ve wanted to throw myself into anime or a book or into any form of entertainment, because sometimes the made-up worlds are better than the real one we inhabit. In the end though, I had to say something. I think I knew I was going to the moment I heard what happened today. And I had to let you know, I’m afraid in a way I don’t like to be.

Earlier today, a man named Robert Bowers opened fire at Tree of Life Synagogue in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Three different services for three different congregations were being held that morning, with nearly a hundred people in the synagogue. Eleven people were killed and several more were injured, including four of the police officers who showed up to subdue Bowers, who has made numerous statements on social media about the Jews and “invaders,” aka immigrants and refugees. Tree of Life has been active with organizations that help out immigrants and refugees, including most notably HIAS, which may have played a role in Bowers’s selection of Tree of Life as his target. He has been captured and is awaiting being charged, including federal hate crime charges.

I found out about the shooting this afternoon while out with my cousin, who is here in Columbus for an internship. A friend sent me a link to an article about it. I felt my blood go cold, but I didn’t tell my cousin. I didn’t want to ruin the day for him. I’m sure by now he knows. And he’s probably as scared as me.

This is the second mass shooting in the United States that has been associated with one of the facets of my identity. The last one was when Pulse was shot up in Orlando, Florida, two days after my twenty-third birthday. Pulse was a gay nightclub. Fort-nine people died. I’m bisexual. I wasn’t affected directly, but I was affected.

This was worse. I’ve been Jewish, knew I was Jewish well before I was aware I was bisexual. I feel connected to my religion in so many ways. In college, I studied the Holocaust and have pursued it further since. I’ve noticed the climb in anti-Semitism in the United States over the last two years.

And I knew people from Tree of Life. In high school, my synagogue’s youth group would meet up with other youth groups from throughout the region several times a year to hang out and be Jewish as a group. Tree of Life would sometimes join us.

And before my family moved to Columbus, we considered living in Pittsburgh. We even visited to look at houses and to see what the schools and synagogues were like. I don’t remember what synagogue we were considering joining, but for all I know, it could’ve been Tree of Life. And even if it wasn’t, who knows where I might’ve ended up worshiping later in life. Who knows what might’ve happened if my parents had decided Pittsburgh was a better choice than Columbus?

I’m afraid. I’ve known for a while how anti-Semitism in the US and around the world have been making a comeback. I knew it was real. But it’s no longer that far removed from me. It struck close today.

I’m terrified. But I don’t want to be terrified. And, as happens when I’m scared, I have to fight and conquer what scares me.

We need to do more to stop monsters like this poor excuse for a man. Or more like him will copy him. And many more may die.

The Anti-Defamation League said this was the deadliest attack on the Jewish community in this country, and that it’s “unthinkable that it would happen in the United States of America in this day and age.” I say that it was not only thinkable, but more than likely to happen at some point. And that’s the problem we need to fix.

People are going to offer thoughts and prayers and suggest armed guards to stop this from happening again. The thing is, the people at Tree of Life were thinking and praying. Among our liturgy are prayers to be kept safe from the enemies of our people. And many synagogues already have security in the form of retired or off-duty police officers. And as we saw at the Stoneman Douglas shooting earlier this year, the presence of an armed guard doesn’t always deter a violent man with a gun and a goal in mind.

I’m a big believer in the phrase, “Actions speak louder than words.” I also believe that if you take a step towards a goal, the universe takes a step with you. And I think it’s high-time we treat this chronic disease we’ve been dealing with in the United States for far too long. Very soon, Americans everywhere will have the chance to set the course of our country for the next couple years. I’m asking every American reading this, and all the ones who aren’t, to take advantage of this opportunity to set this course. And to please set a course that involves making the requirements to own a gun as stringent as the ones to drive a car, as well as increased care and research for mental illness, and for higher tolerance for all peoples, not just the Jewish people.

Because in the end, we are all one humanity. Forty-six genes in every cell, five fingers and toes on each limb, same organs and blood that is red and carries oxygen to our cells. And if we can’t make members of our species realize that, what good are we as a whole?

I also encourage you to donate to HIAS and other organizations that try to foster understanding and help those less fortunate than others. Because in the face of hate, the most powerful weapon we have is love. So show love.

Make your voice heard.

Take action.

Because all evil needs to triumph is for good people to do nothing. And we can’t allow that to happen.

Be brave. Fight back against evil. And above all, be safe.

Thanks for listening.

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