Posts Tagged ‘short story’

What do you call a writer cut off from Wi-Fi, has too much time on his hands, and a lot of stories he wants to get out of his head and into the heads of others? If you guessed Rami Ungar, you are correct. Last night the Wi-Fi was still out, so I decided to work on rewriting one of my short stories where I was really dissatisfied with the first draft and wanted to change things up. The result was that this morning I finished rewriting Streghe, with phenomenal results.

Now if you don’t know about or remember Streghe, let me give you some background: during my last semester at Ohio State I took a class on the history of witchcraft to fill out the last requirement of my History major (yes, a class like that was offered, and it was awesome). One of the witch mythologies we studied in that class was that of the streghe, which comes from the Umbrian region of Italy. Now in Italian streghe means “witch” and comes from the word for owl, but in that region the word takes on an entirely different meaning. Rather than involving women who assembled to worship Satan, eat the flesh of children, and cast spells with the help of demon familiars as in traditional European witchcraft mythologies, Umbrian streghe usually worked alone or in pairs, did not consort with demons that often, if at all, drank blood from children as a form of sustenance like vampires, and had their own powers, including the power to transform into owls, which normal witches were said not to have (and that is your free history lesson for the day).

Hearing this mythology, I was inspired immediately and wanted to tell a story based on it. So over the last month of school or so, when I wasn’t busy with my thesis project, I wrote a short story that grew to the size of a novelette. And when I finished it, I found that I hated it. The story was way too long, the plot was all over the place, and at times the story actually felt like it was dragging itself along just to get to the ending. During the writing of the first draft I went back several times just to try a different angle, so I knew something was off even then.

I decided to let it sit for a few months and work on other projects and see what ideas to fix the story to me. Well, something did come to me recently, thanks to time and some Lovecraft stories I’ve been reading recently (I’ll have to write a blog post about that later when I’ve read more of his work). So as soon as I finished editing Video Rage (which was two days ago, by the way), I decided to dive back into Streghe and see what I could do with it.

The result was fantastic. I cut the story by about half to just under five-thousand words, reduced the backstory of antagonist Tom in favor of expanding protagonist Sarah’s backstory (he’s an ass anyway, so I don’t think people will care if they don’t know how he became that way), as well as reducing the number of characters in the story, and added more elements from the original mythology, among other things. And as of this morning, I feel I have much tighter, creepier, and more exciting story than what I had before. Maybe in a draft or two I get it published in a magazine (I know of one that might be interested in this one, depending on the final word count).

For now though, I think I’ll let this one lie for a little while, so that when I edit it I can look at it with fresh eyes. In the meantime, I think I’ll recharge my batteries a little before I tackle my next project. If the Wi-Fi’s back when I get home tonight, I’ll probably watch some Netflix and YouTube and plan that trip to Munich. If it’s not, I’ve got a couple of books, including one from my boss at the office, so I’ll dive into that.

In the meantime, I’m feeling pretty good about myself and about life. I’ve gotten a lot written and edited, I’m gaining valuable work experience and some language skills while here in Germany, and even if this job doesn’t last beyond the three months, I have some more prospects I can look into, so there’s plenty to be hopeful for. Things are going well for me lately, and I plan to ride that good wave for as long as possible.

Until next time, my Followers of Fear. Ein schonen tag!

Well, latest estimates suggest that I’ll be getting Wi-Fi at my apartment back up tomorrow or Thursday, which caused me to turn into an angry gorilla and go on a rampage in downtown Wiesbaden last night (please send all complaints and bills to Donald Trump’s Campaign Headquarters). So I’m writing this on a Word document so that I can copy and paste it onto a blog post during my lunch break, when I’m allowed on blogging websites. At the moment, it’s the best I can do.

Now what did I come here to write about? Oh yes, the wonderful news for all you fans of Reborn City. Last night I completed the second draft of Video Rage, RC’s sequel, thanks to a lack of Wi-Fi and plenty of time on my hands yesterday evening (remind me to write about the benefits and problems of not having Wi-Fi after I get it back). For those of you who might be unfamiliar with the RC series, Reborn City is about street gangs in a dystopian future, told mostly from the point-of-view of Zahara Bakur, a Muslim teenager who is forced to join one of the gangs when her parents are murdered. It’s probably my most popular work, and I hope people enjoy VR as much as they liked RC.

All told, VR is a bit shorter than RC (but then again, RC had several chapters devoted to flashbacks, so that might explain a few things). The second draft is about 297 pages (8.5” x 11”, double spaced, twelve-point Times New Roman), two pages shorter than the first draft, and 82,441 words (about fifteen-hundred shorter than the first draft). I think this might be shorter than the first Harry Potter book, but I wouldn’t vouch for it. I can say for sure though that it reads better than the first draft, and that it sets up for the third and final book very well.

Now what’ll happen now that the second draft is finished? Well, I have a friend who is looking at the manuscript (he looked at RC prior to its publication) and once I get some feedback from him, I’ll do some more editing. After that, depending on how I feel, I could do a fourth draft, or I could get ready for some publication (I can hear most of my family, especially my sister, already shouting that it should go straight to publication). We’ll see what happens.

In the meantime, there’s a short story I have to rewrite, another one I want to write a first draft of, and maybe I’ll do a third short story because I am finally getting good at writing these things. After that, I have to rewrite my thriller Laura Horn, and after that I have to do a third draft of Rose, and I’m also planning a trip to Munich for either this or next weekend, and also…you know, I think it’s safe just to say I’m going to be very busy on a bunch of other projects but as committed as ever to writing and publishing quality stories while at the same time exploring as much of Germany as possible while I’m here (speaking of which, if you have any suggestions for places to visit in Munich, particularly scenic or historic locations, please let me know).

All for now. I’ve still got a long and busy day ahead of me, so I’m going to get right on it. I’ll write again when I have the chance. Let’s hope the Wi-Fi returns at home sooner than later, right?

Bis spatter, mein Anhanger der Angst! (Translation: See you later, my Followers of Fear!)

I don’t have a lot of time because it’s late for me and I have an early morning tomorrow, but I just finished a short story I’ve been working on since before I left the states. Cult of the Raven God, coming just within the lengths of a short story at 9,908 words, is about a girl whose family is attacked by a sacrificial cult while on vacation and how she learns that the cult members are more than just a bunch of crazy murderers. It’s pretty creepy and dark stuff.

I have to say, I really enjoyed working on this one. It’s a more recent idea for a story, and I’ve noticed that the stories I’ve come up with lately…I’m not sure how to explain it. Maybe I feel like the ideas I’ve been having lately, particularly in terms of short stories, are more likely to make for successful stories once they’re written. I especially think this one has the chance for that. It’s length aside, it’s got atmosphere, a freaky main villain and creepy secondary villains, and I manage to keep the action going throughout. Not bad for a first draft.

Of course, it is a first draft, so it’ll have to be worked on before I do anything about it. I’ll let it lie for a while, and then in a couple months I’ll give it some edits. After that, I may try getting it published in a magazine, or if that doesn’t work out, I may put it in a short story collection. We’ll see what the future holds.

Well, that’s all for now, my Followers of Fear (whom I’m so glad are not a sacrificial cult). Tomorrow I’m heading back to work on Video Rage, so let’s hope I get through the next two thirds of that pretty quickly. In the meantime, I’m wishing you all wonderful nightmares. Guten nacht!

So I’m sure many of you are wondering what it’s like to work for the US Army in Europe. Well, I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.

Okay, how many of you laughed at that, and how many of you took that seriously?

In reality, I can go into a bit of what I’ve been doing here, as long as I don’t give away anything that could even remotely threaten national security (and that doesn’t give any information to stalkers. Yeah, you know who you are. I know you’re out there. Especially you!). So without further ado, here’s what I’ve been doing in the office lately.

So, if you haven’t heard lately, I’ve been working in the Equal Employment Opportunity office at the base in Wiesbaden, which is actually central command for US Army Europe. And guess what else? My office is the top EEO office for all of Europe. I’m not kidding, if the general needs advice on EEO stuff, he goes to the head of the office, Ms. Moya, to discuss policy (apparently she’s written the book on EEO in the Army, and is a major reason why I can even work in the Army when technically I have a disability). Besides Ms. Moya, there’s Mr. Vitiello, who is my direct supervisor and is considered one of the top EEO specialists on the continent, and there’s me. The new guy learning the ropes and contributing any way I can. It’s a small but extremely important office, and we’re busy each and every day.

And speaking of offices, I have one of my own. Yeah, I do. At the moment we’re moving some things around the larger EEO office, so mine’s become the designated storage space for all our supplies till we’re done with the moving. But yeah, for the next two-and-a-half months (perhaps longer, we’ll see) it’s my office. And I’m pretty psyched about it. I got my own key and a computer with two monitors and a nice view out one of the windows. It’s not too bad.

As for what I’ve been doing…well, I’ve been doing a lot of reading on diversity. There’s not a lot of coursework that can be taken in that subject. Well, maybe there is. It’s kind of an HR job in a way, so maybe go to business school with a focus on HR and…I’m getting off track. Anyway, it’s a big topic to talk about, especially in regards to the Army, so I’ve got a lot of reading to do. I’m happy to do it, of course. It’s not horror novels, but it’s interesting and informative, so there’s a plus.

I’ve also been writing, specifically I’ve been writing an article on the benefits of diversity in the Army that will appear in a newsletter that will be read all over Europe. I did a lot of research for the article, and now it’s going through editing phases. I’ve also been filling paperwork out and taking online courses for work (when the Internet is actually working for me. We’ve had problems with that. “If it’s not one thing, it’s another” has become a common refrain for me lately).  And in off moments, when there’s nothing to do, I find time to write, which can be scarce during these busy days.

As for the rest of the base…that’s classified. I can say that the buildings and layout are not what I expected. At times it reminds me of a camp I once visited as a teenager, where nothing seemed to be near anything else, and at other times it seems like a small community in a desert town in Arizona or the Mojave (and there’s the writer in me). When I head outside, it’s often warm and sunny, which means I sometimes sweat off my sunscreen (and that’s why I put it on three times a day). But it’s a nice place to work, and I’m figuring out where everything is slowly but surely.

Me at the office.

Me at the office.

Well, that’s all to mention right now. I’m sure as I get through the paperwork and as the Internet gets fixed and all that other stuff, I’ll get into some sort of routine and learn quite a bit more on the subject. And if I stay longer…who knows? Maybe I’ll even get my driver’s license! We’ll see what happens.

In the meantime, tomorrow I go on a trip to Frankfurt through the USO (and this time I know exactly where we’re meeting), and if I get the chance after I get back, I upload a ton of photos and write a blog post about it. Sunday I’m planning on chilling at home and finishing up this short story I’ve been working on before diving back into editing Video Rage. So wish me luck, everyone. I feel I might need it.

Guten nacht, mein Anhanger der Angst!

The Marktplatz farmer's market.

The Marktplatz farmer’s market.

This morning I got up a bit earlier than I normally would on a Saturday in order to go on a walking tour of my new home Wiesbaden. Unfortunately due to my own unfamiliarity with the city, the confusing directions from Google Maps, and the confusing language from the ad I got for the tour, I missed the tour. I did run into some folks from the base whom I’d seen around, and they were kind enough to help me look for the group before I concluded that it was too late and I’d missed them. And after talking with these people and parting ways, I decided to go on a walking tour of my own, visiting the locations I remembered mentioned in the ad. And you know what? It was a lot of fun.

Swear to you, this is an actual store.

Swear to you, this is an actual store.

I was in an area known as the Marktplatz which, as its name hints, is a market or shopping area with lots of different stores and even a farmer’s market going on. My first stop on the trip though was this really interesting shop whose front is a giant cuckoo clock. Inside were a number of English speakers who were very kind. We talked about me moving to the US Army base, about the American presidential elections, and about other stuff. I bought a couple of postcards and promised to come back sometime (and I intend to. That shop had curiosities that gave me an idea for a short story. You have to give them props for that). I then ended up taking a look around the Marktkirche, or Market Church, a huge cathedral of reddish bricks that apparently prides itself on its music and concerts, based on the CDs for sale and the fact that a concert let out just as I got to go in and see the place.

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You know, I may not be Christian, but that doesn’t keep me from having an appreciation for places like the Market Church. There’s a powerful history there, and you can feel it in the stones, like energy. It’s love and devotion to God, pure and simple. Sure, this church has probably seen its fair share of fiery sermons, but for the most part it’s love, and the architecture, lighting, art, and layout help to amplify all that. I spent quite a few minutes just sitting there and taking it all in. I also took a few minutes to figure out the identities of the five statues around the altar. I recognized Jesus, but it took me a little work to find out the other four were the Four Evangelists (did not know the Gospel writers had a special name). Then I got an idea for a short story, which made me happy. Two in a single day!

The Staattheater

The Staattheater

After that I grabbed a quick lunch and went to check out the Staattheater or State Theater, and got information on whom to contact to tour the theater (apparently it’s a really amazing interior, but they only do group tours on certain days). After that I checked out the Casino, which is not like your American casinos where anyone goes in to play a few games. Take a look at the photo: this casino was designed as a gathering place for the rich and noble to socialize and gamble. Even today there’s a dress code if you want to play at the roulette wheel, and they hold huge events there for big VIPs (the Dalai Lama is apparently in town tomorrow and speaking at the Casino. I’d go, but I don’t feel like getting up at the crack of dawn to get a good seat so his translator can speak to the crowd in German).

Yeah, the Casino looks like a roman temple or something.

Yeah, the Casino looks like a roman temple or something.

After losing my savings at the roulette wheel and slots (kidding!), I explored the park by the theater. And that was wonderful. In America, with TV and games and the Internet, we get so caught up on being inside and having fun inside and inside fake worlds. Rarely do we take the time to enjoy outside, and this park kind of reminded me of that, as well as wonder can be found in nature. The lake in the middle of the park with the fountain reminded me of Ohio State’s Mirror Lake, as well as the pigeons and giant ducks living around the lake having absolutely no fear of humans (seriously, one got within a few feet of me and didn’t flinch. I swear it wanted to either see what I was or challenge me to a fight). And there was this little creek right by the lake that looked so peaceful and pretty, like out of a fantasy story. It was really relaxing.

Like being back at school, in a way.

Like being back at school, in a way.

Well, after that I headed home. And while I didn’t visit all the places the tour group was going to go (I missed the Roman Wall, which I will have to find some time), I did get my own little tour and got familiar with the city I live in now. And when I get a chance, I’d like to go explore again and see what this city has to offer.

And next week, if I decide to do that tour of Frankfurt (and I think I will), I’ll make sure I have a much better idea of where it is before I go to it. Seriously, I’m not getting up early for a day trip not knowing where we’re meeting!

Anyway, I’m definitely enjoying being here in Germany, and I’m looking forward to doing and seeing more as time goes on. Heck, I’m thinking of taking some trips to Munich or Stuttgard one of these weekends. That should be exciting.

Well, until next time, my Followers of Fear. Guten Nacht!

It’s that time again. #FirstLineFriday. Every Friday I post the first one or two lines of a potential story, work-in-progress, or published work. This week’s opening comes from a potential short story I had the idea for yesterday:

Captain Leyla Janx, fifteen years old and feeling her life shortening with every second, ordered her aircraft carrier to turn fifteen degrees to the port side.

Thoughts? Comments? Grammatical errors? Let me know.

That’s all for now. If I get the chance, I’ll write a post about my first week in Germany later  today. Until then, I’m off to work. Einen schonen Tag, my Followers of Fear (please say I wrote that right!).

It’s Friday again, and you know what that means! It’s #FirstLineFriday, where I take the first one or two lines of a potential story, a story-in-progress, or a published story and post them here (and in one of the Facebook groups I belong to). This week’s entry is from a story I started yesterday, and which I’m currently working on:

“Max gots a boyfriend! Max gots a boyfriend!” Danny sang, laughing as he ran.

“Shut up you little twerp!” shouted his elder sister Max, chasing after her brother through the sand.

Ah, sibling rivalry. I remember it well.

Thoughts? Comments? Grammatical or punctuation errors? I know, Danny’s saying “gots”, but he’s four, so I think we can let that one slide.

Have a good weekend and Fourth of July everyone. It’s my last one before I leave for Germany day after tomorrow, so I’m hoping to make it extra special. Wish me luck!

I’m very proud to announce that one of my short stories, “Tigress Lizzy”, is going to be published this October in a very special Halloween anthology. This anthology is going to be published by the same people who published Strange Portals, the anthology I was featured in back in December. I’m very excited that I’m getting published with them again and very grateful that they liked my work so much. I’m looking forward to seeing what they produced this time.

“Tigress Lizzy” can be considered my tribute to Stephen King’s Carrie, which is still one of my favorite works by the author. It’s the story of a teenage girl who’s school life is incredibly difficult, but one day she is offered a gift that allows her to get back at everyone who has hurt her. It’s a dark and bloody work, and like Carrie it shows that when you push someone repeatedly, sometimes you cross a line and release a whole ton of horror.

At this point, the anthology is still being assembled, and it doesn’t have a name or a cover yet. However as my work’s been accepted, I’ll be getting updates regularly and posting them either here on the blog or on my Facebook or Twitter pages. In the meantime, if you’ve got something you think could go into the anthology, you can click here to get the details. They’re accepting submissions till the end of August, so you’ve got some time till then. Good luck!

All for now. I’ve got some writing to do, so I’m going to get to it. Wish me luck, my Followers of Fear!

Authors are constantly evolving. Even late in their careers, they’re never not learning new tricks or trying some experiment with their latest story. Check out Anne Rice’s latest stories, introducing scientific elements into what are normally supernatural stories, or JK Rowling going from fantasy coming-of-age series into literary and crime. Heck, His Royal Highness Stephen King is doing hard-crime and has introduced more alien and sci-fi elements into a lot of his recent stories.

Back in January I wrote a post about how I wanted to create the same images in my stories but with less words. As my word counts are still often very high, measuring whether or not I’m actually succeeding based on that. So while I’ve been editing one of my short stories for an anthology I wanted to get published in, I looked at specific paragraphs, looked at how they were pre-editing, and then what they looked like post-editing. What I got looked pretty promising.

Here’s one paragraph prior to editing:

One of the cheerleaders opened a door and Lizzy was thrown in, falling down a set of stairs. As she landed on hard concrete floor, she heard the girls laughing up above. They thought this was funny? She’d be lucky if she came away from this with just bruised ribs!

And here’s the same paragraph after it’s been edited:

One of the cheerleaders opened a door and Lizzy was thrown in, falling down a set of stairs, landing hard on concrete floor, the other girls laughing up above. They thought this was funny? She’d be lucky if she came away with only bruised ribs!

There’s a five-word difference, two sentences have been merged into one, and I changed “just” for “only” in the last sentence. There’s a more noticeable difference in the second example I have:

Suddenly Eric stood up, turning around in a circle to face the cheerleaders with an angry look on his face. Some of the cheerleaders actually shrank away from him, which Lizzy thought was extraordinary: she’d never thought anything but pimples scared these narcissistic twats.

And the edited version:

Eric stood up, glaring at each and every cheerleader in turn. Some of them actually shrank away from him, which Lizzy thought was extraordinary: she’d thought nothing but pimples actually scared these narcissistic twats.

Ten word difference, and if you ask me it creates the same basic image while being less wordy. In fact, I thin it’s written better than the first example, creating much more compelling images than before. And along with these examples, I’ve noticed a few more differences in how I write. For instance, I’m using less words involving the suffix “ing” (otherwise known as a gerund*). I would often write a sentence like this, “Getting up and heading to the cabinet, Lizzy slid back the secret panel and got out the scotch”. Now I prefer writing “Lizzy got up, went to the cabinet, slid back the secret panel, and got out the scotch.” To me, this seems not necessarily smoother, but it sounds better to me. It’s four succinct actions, one after another. Boom, boom, boom, boom, forming images in your head that run in fluid succession, like a scene on a Blu-Ray disc. Plus one word shorter, that’s not bad.

In any case, I feel like this is real good progress for me. Like I’ve said before, I’ve stopped worrying about word count because that sort of worry makes it difficult for me to tell the story as it needs to be told. But if finding ways to tell the same good story with less words can make for a better story, then yes I will pay attention to word count. And as you know, I’m all about telling a great story, so I’ll keep working on trying to tell a good story with less words, see where it gets me.

Hopefully many more stories, a few more published works and a lot of scared readers. Am I right?

That’s all for now, my Followers of Fear. I’ll see you next time, which I swear will be before I leave Germany. Have a good one!

*Funny story I can’t resist telling you, when I was in high school at Columbus Torah Academy, I was taking an English class and we were going over the different parts of grammar. When we came upon gerunds, I commented that the word sounded British (and they kind of do). My English teacher then, for whatever reason, told me to speak British. So I put on my terrible British accent, and start saying all these British phrases: “Pip pip, cheerio.” “Spot of tea and crumpets.” “God save the Queen.” And then randomly the head of the Judaic Studies department at the time, Rabbi Elbaz, a short Moroccan rabbi with this really thick accent, walks into our classroom. I say, “God save Rabbi Elbaz too.” The class laughs, and then Rabbi Elbaz says, “Oy Rami, now God will look into my records and see all the bad things I’ve done.” I swear, the whole class was laughing hysterically until he left! I wish I knew what he thought of it.

I’m getting very naughty. First I’m swearing in Facebook posts, now I’m swearing in the titles of my blog posts.

Recently I had my five-hundredth idea for a short story or novelette since I started keeping a list. It was actually last night as I was getting ready for bed. I was thinking of an SVU rerun I’d watched earlier in the day and I thought of a minor character in the episode and what might’ve happened if he’d done some things differently in that episode. That birthed an idea (ah, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. One of these days I will do a post about how you’ve gotten in my head and given me so many ideas for stories). Anyway, it occurred to me that this would be my five-hundredth idea. And then I asked myself how many I’d actually at least gotten a first draft of. And today I counted.

The total count: 17. Yeah, only 17 out of 500 have at least made it past the first draft (what state they are afterwards varies). This was about the amount I expected, though I’m not happy about how little I’ve written. When I was thinking about this last night, I thought to myself, Time’s a quick bastard. It moves by so fast, and between school, the hurdles of getting a job, practicing German, the Netflix binges I keep getting myself drawn into, and everything else going on, you can’t keep up. Too bad. Some of these story ideas are really awesome.

That’s the sad part about being the author. You want to be able to write all the time, to not have to sleep or eat and the only distractions are ones you want to get distracted by and that don’t take up a lot of time. Sadly, reality is not always so pleasant, and we’ve got to deal with it how we can. As much as I would like to write more, as much as I would like to get a few more items on that list crossed off, I know that I don’t always have the time for it.

And I would like more time, definitely. I would. And maybe someday I will have more time. I know friends who’ve gotten publishing contracts or have gotten enough sales through self-publishing and they find more time to write and edit and publish and market. True, this often comes after many years of writing, when they’ve had careers, built up portfolios, had other stuff work for them. It’s something involving luck, ambition, hard work, dedication, and of course time.

Funny, time’s like money. You have to spend it to make it. Time’s not just a quick bastard, time’s a hard one to work with. And of course sometimes you don’t get the time you look for. Or you do but there’s family concerns or people want you to devote your time to other stuff because suddenly you have more of it. It’s a tough life to live, knowing that the time doesn’t always work with you in your writing career.

Still, I’m not letting time–what time I have–get away from me. After so much time, Video Rage is finally getting edited. I’ watched a documentary tonight over dinner that’ll help me with a story I’ve been struggling with for over a year. I’ve even figured out what short stories I might work on after I’ve finished with Video Rage, and what I’ll do after those are done. What little time I have, I’ll make work for me until I have more.

Time’s a quick and tricky bastard to work with. But I’m not going to let time get the best of me. Eventually, I’ll get time to work for me, so I’ll be the most prolific author I can be.

Until then, I keep doing what I’ve done since I first started my goal of writing to become published: just one word at a time, until the story comes together.