Posts Tagged ‘autism spectrum disorder’

My Autism Isn’t a Curse or a Death Sentence

Posted: April 19, 2025 in Living and Life, Politics and Leadership, Reflections, Social Activism
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Hello, Followers of Fear. As you know, my name is Rami Ungar. I’m a novelist specializing in horror and dark fantasy. I’ve published several books, with my sixth out in just a matter of days. I enjoy horror, anime, ballet and theater, winemaking, reading, and a bunch of other stuff. I am also on the spectrum, and have been my whole life. In fact, from the moment I popped out of the womb, I was so different, my mother thought until my sister came along that all the baby books were lying to her.*

And I am very, very upset by events this week.

Specifically, I’m upset by what our so-called Secretary of Health and Human Services, Robert F. Kennedy, Jr, said during a press conference, which is reiterated nicely in this tweet:

He also called autism an “epidemic,” as if it sprouted out of nowhere and has grown exponentially in a few years, rather than a medical condition that has probably existed since prehistoric times and of which we have had a name and research for since the early 1900s. But this is a guy who openly claims he had a worm in his brain, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that worm stole his common sense (and his ability to read as well).

But this level of ignorance has upset me on so many levels. We’ve made so many strides in educating the public about autism and disability in general (I was even quoted in an NPR article last year about what actual disabled people wanted listeners to know). And I don’t even know if Kennedy spouts this crap because he actually believes it, or because he knows there’s money to be made and power to be grabbed from spreading this junk.

In case it’s the former, however, and in case Kennedy or anyone else believes this garbage, let me inform you of some things: I’m 100% certified autistic. And yet, I’ve filed my taxes every spring since I turned 18. I’ve held various jobs throughout my life, being in my current job for the past nine years (I help other employees with disabilities get accommodations so they can continue working, in case you were wondering). I’ve not only played baseball and softball, but I was on my high school’s team for a little while. I’ve not only written poetry (bad as it is), but I’ve written several books and short stories. I dated here and there before I realized I was aromantic. And I use the toilet unassisted several times a day, every day, since I was a small child!

That’s because autism is a spectrum, and the people Kennedy’s describing are only a small part of the spectrum. What Kennedy is describing is like saying because the sky is blue and it’s always so visible, all colors on the color spectrum must be blue!

In other words, I’m not an exception, I’m just another dot on the spectrum. One piece out of a multicolored thousand-piece puzzle.

Autism may make me and others different, but we’re hardly all suffering. Photo by Tara Winstead on Pexels.com

And the fact that Kennedy, a man who has said time and time again he’s always looking for new research proving autism isn’t caused by vaccines, can’t seem to grasp this, shows me that he’s either stupid, stubborn, or he’s looking to profit off of other people’s fears just to be powerful. And I can’t decide which I prefer. Honestly, they’re all terrible.

And honestly, I’m mad about a lot of stuff right now–the tariffs destroying the American economy; the persecution of trans people across the world; my own government sending people out of the country without due process or any semblance of respect for the law to an El Salvadorian concentration camp with my tax dollars–but this one personally got to me. People act like autism is a curse or even worse than death to the point that they avoid giving life-saving medicine to their children!

But as much as autism sometimes hinders me in social situations, it also enhances my life. I see the world differently and am more empathetic to the plight of others because of it. It might even play a role in why I’m as creative as I am. I wouldn’t change who I am for anything! And the fact that Kennedy and his ilk pity me or treat me like an invalid not only shows how little they know, but also how much they’re missing out on people like me.

*I mention this because some vaccine skeptics tend to prefer personal anecdotes to scientific data, and also because anyone who disagrees with this and insists vaccination is the cause of my autism is calling my mother a liar. And you do not call a man’s mother a liar unless you’re prepared for the consequences.

Thanks for reading this far, my Followers of Fear. Honestly, as I’ve gotten older, as I’ve come to grasp how incredibly fucked up the world is, and as I’ve grappled with how to be vocal about my beliefs while also toeing the line at my day job (they prefer us to be politically neutral over there), I talk about politics less and less. But these days, I’m thinking about being more vocal. Especially with the road this country is going down right now.

Well, that’s all for now, my Followers of Fear. Don’t be surprised if I talk about this subject on my YouTube channel in the near future. But until then, or until next time, good night and pleasant nightmares.

Pride? I’m Just Trying to Navigate!

Posted: July 7, 2024 in Living and Life, Reflections
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The Disability Pride flag. It’s lovely, but I’m not sure if it’s something I can display for myself just yet.

Last week, I was informed that July is Disability Pride Month. It’s an opportunity for those with disabilities–blind, deaf, psychiatric, mobility, etc.–to show that while they may have different bodies and minds, it’s not the end of the world. Hell, in some cases, it’s not even a problem. Instead, it helps build the character of the disabled and in some cases, they feel it makes them stronger. The only one with a problem might be society, which is still very ableist in its makeup.

I am on the spectrum and have ADHD (among other things), and I like the idea of Disability Pride Month. You should never feel less or be put down by your fellow humans just because you were born different. And some disabilities have become, rather than a hindrance, become the basis for communities with strong membership and even organizing. The Deaf community is one prominent example.

However, at the moment, I’m still figuring out how I feel about my own disabilities, let alone if I have pride in them.

That’s not saying I have low self-esteem or feel lesser because I have disabilities. It’s just that I’m still figuring out how I feel about being on the spectrum and having ADHD. On the one hand, it’s cool being “neurospicy,” as some people call it, and my unusual brain probably played a huge role in becoming a writer. Not to mention that I was able to get some accommodations in college and even found a steady, paying job because I am a person with disabilities.

But on the flip side, I’ve become more aware as I’ve gotten older how difficult it can be to interact with other people. Unlike fictional characters, whose minds I can get into and who are simple to understand, real people are complex and hard to read. I’m constantly on guard with my behavior, even with people who know that I have some social difficulties, in case something I say or do causes offense. Sometimes irreparable offense.

It’s gotten to the point where I don’t know if I’m being my genuine self, or if I’m “masking,” as it’s known.

And last month, I listened to this lecture series on Audible about being neuroatypical, and it kind of blew my mind. Not only did a lot of the situations brought up in the series resemble things from my own life, but I learned how drastically autism and ADHD treatment has changed over the years and how much it still has to change. Did you know that for both conditions, therapy used to center around controlling and forcing people to act “normal,” however you want to define it? And there are still places that operate that way, occasionally using horrific practices like restraint or electroshock therapy to change behavior. It’s awful.

I received therapy for my behavior as a kid. I don’t remember what kind it was. I just went to it because my parents said that’s where I had to go on certain days at certain times and didn’t really think much of it one way or another. I don’t have any bad memories, but I am curious as to what approach they took with me. And if it contributed in any way to my own worries about interacting with people.

So yeah, I’m not sure how to feel about my disabilities. Is it true that there are benefits to being neurospicy, especially in the creative and out-of-the-box thinking departments? Absolutely. But when around people, it’s hard to figure out how much of myself to be and how much I need to mask. And is there even a difference between my true self and my masked self? At least when in company?

I might not get those answers for a very long time, if ever. Especially not when the world is still super hard to navigate.

Still, at least I have people around me and get me. Parents, siblings, dear friends, fellow horror writers and enthusiasts, Followers of Fear, and even coworkers. They let me be myself once in a while, and usually tell me if I cross a line and I didn’t realize it. They even forgive me when that happens. They make navigating that much easier.

Now if only things could become a lot easier! Maybe then I’d figure out if I’m proud of what makes me neurospicy.

Just a reminder, Followers of Fear: this coming weekend, July 13 and 14, is the Columbus Book Festival. It’s taking place at the Main Branch of the Columbus Metropolitan Library and nearby Topiary Park in downtown Columbus, Ohio. Authors of all stripes, as well as artists and others, will be there to help match you to your next favorite read. I’ll be there with my fellow members of HWA Ohio, so please stop by if you can.

And if you can’t, but you’re interested in supporting me (or maybe just want to read something scary), check out my catalog. From plant/human hybrids and strange gods to Mafia-hunting serial killers and carnivorous horses, I got something for every horror fan, including free stories. And if you end up reading something of mine, please leave me a review so I know what you think. I’ll leave a link to the Books page below.

Until next time, my Followers of Fear, good night and pleasant nightmares. I’ll see you around real soon.

Book Links & Excerpts

The Worlds Inside My Head: A Post About My Autism Spectrum Disorder

Posted: March 22, 2023 in Living and Life, Reflections
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Consider this an early Autism Awareness Month post (doesn’t officially start till next Saturday).

As many of you know, and many of you may not know, I’m on the autism spectrum. Have been my whole life.* And honestly, while it has made some things somewhat more difficult to me, I really don’t consider it a disability. Well, it is, but it doesn’t disable me. It’s just made me fight harder and learn new ways to work my way through this strange world of ours.

Anyway, onto the meat of this post: recently, my dad sent me a video of a TED talk, featuring a woman named Rosie King speaking about her own autism and how it’s affected her life. Positively affected her life, by the way. If you can, I highly encourage you to watch the video, which I’ve embedded below, before reading the post. It’s only six minutes long and will really resonate with you.

When I saw this video, I was what the young people call shook. Honestly, it felt like Ms. King, who’s only five years younger than me, was talking about my own life. For one thing, I do feel like I have thousands of worlds in my head. Or thousands of stories, some of which take place in the same worlds as each other (I love shared universes in fiction). My imagination is constantly coming up with new stories, which is one reason I write. If I didn’t, they would stay in my head, constantly shifting and changing until I no longer knew what they were.

And I get what she says about having so much energy and needing to scream or move around or whatever. I used to need to pace to calm down. And I’ve been in situations where nobody wanted to be my friend because I was so different, though eventually some came to understand who I was and be my friend. A few are even on the spectrum like me.

And I am far from Rain Man (never seen it, but I’ve heard enough to know). I’m no math whiz beyond my finances, and I need someone else to do my taxes. I do understand a lot of science, but I’m no specialist. And as anyone can tell you, I’m quite verbal and love a good hug. Social situations can prove challenging, especially if I don’t understand some cue or another. But once it’s explained to me what line I’ve crossed or what the issue is, I usually learn from it.

But the thing that resonates with me the most is the part about “being normal” and saying “you’re so normal” as a compliment. As Ms. King says, “What is normal?” Just a setting on the dryer, if you ask me. None of us fit into a box, but some of us just spill out of the box and spread out in several directions much more easily. It’s because people do spread out that way that we as a species advance, from the sciences and technology to literature and culture.

And while I don’t know how much of a role my ASD has played in making me the person I am, as well as the creative I am, I can’t deny that it has played a role. And like Ms. King, I wouldn’t give it up for anything. Not when it has brought me so much good in my life.

So, I guess in conclusion, if someone’s different in some way, don’t try to change them, or make them fit in a box. So long as nobody is getting hurt and being who they are makes them happy, I see no reason to try to change them. Hell, I’m happy just the way I am. The only thing people tried to change in me is giving me the tools to make my way through this world while still being me. And that was enough.

Until next time, my Followers of Fear, good night and pleasant nightmares.

*And no, it wasn’t caused by vaccines. I was neurodivergent well before that, my mother says so, and you wouldn’t want to call her a liar. Them’s fighting words.

Review: Come Play (2020 film)

Posted: October 30, 2020 in Review, Scary Stuff
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I’ll admit, when I bought my ticket to see this movie in the theaters (yes, I went to a theater), I didn’t have high expectations. It had a good trailer, but plenty of bad films have good trailers. But I wanted to see some new horror, and who knows? It could surprise me.

Surprised, I was.

Come Play follows Oliver, a young, non-verbal autistic boy who is stalked by someone named Larry, who wants to be his friend. However, Larry isn’t human. He’s an entity, one that lives in the world of the digital and the Wi-Fi and interacts with our world through electronics. And he wants Oliver to be his friend, whether Oliver wants it or not.

First off, I thought Oliver ‘s actor did a great job playing an autistic character. As you know, I’m on the spectrum, and I recognized myself as a child and as an adult in Oliver. Stimming to stay calm, going to therapy, dealing with people who don’t understand what you’re going well. And I’ve been through the experience of kids pretending to be nice to me only to show a nastier side. Believe me, the struggle was (and in some ways, still is) real.

As for the film itself, it wasn’t half-bad. Jacob Chase, the writer and director, did a very good job of putting together a unique monster story. There were several moments where the atmosphere was tense and I was kind of afraid. And the jumpscares, while in another film would have been over the top, fit very well here. And I definitely didn’t see the final twist coming until it showed up.

The use of the villain Larry was also done very well. He’s not based on any sort of ancient mythology or anything, so points for originality. And yeah, the monster using a children’s book has been done by better films (*cough* The Babadook *cough*), but it’s given a different spin here, and the fact that Larry can only manifest through our ever-present devices and electronics added a certain element of danger you don’t normally see in these sorts of horror films. We also don’t see Larry that much, and when we do, he’s usually in shadow so we can’t make out all the details. Makes the fact that he’s basic CGI easier to handle.

Of course, the film does have its issues. While Larry was used well in the movie, I never felt entirely afraid of him. Also, the film relies on a lot of tropes we could get from a below-average Blumhouse movie, so it gets a little tropey and predictable at times. Especially the second half.

On the whole though, Come Play is good. It’s not great, but it’s not terrible either. On a scale of 1 to 5, I’m giving it a 3.8. All in all, I’m glad I went out to see it. And if you need a bit of new horror as well, maybe you will be too.

That’s probably it for October, my Followers of Fear. I hope you had as great a Halloween season as I did, despite the pandemic and all that went with it. Let’s hope November is good as well.

Until next time, pleasant nightmares and WATCH OUT FOR THAT TENTACLE!!!

A Post for National Disabilities Employment Awareness Month 2019

Posted: October 23, 2019 in Living and Life, Reflections
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As many of you are aware, I am a member of the disabled community, having autism, ADHD, anxiety, and more things than I can name. What many of you might not be aware is that October is National Disability Employment Awareness Month (NDEAM for short) in the United States. And this year’s theme (which I think is decided by the Department of Labor) is, “The Right Talent, Right Now.”

And at work today, we had an observance of NDEAM which included a panel of employees with disabilities and a video showing the audition of this year’s winner of America’s Got Talent, Kodie Lee, who is blind and autistic. You can watch the video down below.

I am crying, and so are you. You can’t help it.

And what this video demonstrates is that, despite certain issues and centuries worth of stigma, people with disabilities do have plenty to contribute to the world. In fact, they contribute every day. At my workplace, my main job duties involve helping employees with disabilities get accommodations so they can continue their jobs. This doesn’t just include disabilities from genetics and brain chemistry, like mine, but people who gain health problems like back issues or vision problems as they grow older, among others. And despite their disabilities–or sometimes because–they do amazing things at their workstations. They just need a few accommodations and an accepting environment to do so.

And you know what? This isn’t a new phenomena: people with disabilities have been contributing to the world for years. Beethoven, like Kodie Lee, made the world a better place with his music. Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein changed our understanding of the universe in their lifetimes. Harriet Tubman had a head injury that caused headaches, seizures and hypersomnia. John F. Kennedy may have had Addison’s or a similar condition.

Despite all these famous examples though, there are still a lot of barriers to people with disabilities getting work and living full lives. A recent article from Phys.org showed that many blind people face unemployment or underemployment, even though they can be just as capable as able-bodied people of doing job-related tasks. And it wouldn’t surprise me to see similar numbers to that quoted in the article from other groups in the disabled community.

So let me take a moment to address anyone in a position to hire someone with disabilities: we are capable of basic tasks. Hell, sometimes we do very complex tasks too, like write programs or design skyscrapers or perform surgeries or defend clients in court. I’ve even been known to write a decent story from time to time, and that’s not the easiest task. All we need to do our jobs is a few accommodations, which usually don’t cost that much, and an accepting atmosphere.

And remember, this is a group anyone can join at any time. Including maybe you, if you’re not already there. Life has a way of making that possible. So in a way, by encouraging hiring peoples with disabilities, you’re not only helping them, you’re helping yourself.

As well as your employer by ensuring they get the most talented people from the most diverse workforce. Let’s not forget that.

So this October, while we’re all enjoying the season of fear and screams, let’s also remember that there is an entire pool of untapped talent out there. One that has been subjected to and overcome stigmas multiple times to prove us wrong. So why not let them show you what they’re made of?

Fighting Against My Brain Chemistry: Having Anxiety This Past Year

Posted: December 20, 2018 in Living and Life, Reflections
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This is kind of how I imagine fighting my anxiety. Only, you know, I’m actually wearing something when I do.

It was around this time last year that I started recognizing the symptoms of what would be diagnosed later as a generalized anxiety disorder. I was feeling dread when I was by myself or in a crowd, sure that anything I said or did might come back to haunt me. I was paying extra attention to what i posted online or what stories I wrote because I was sure it would lead to me becoming a pariah. If I was around people, I was afraid something I’d say or do would be misinterpreted and would lead to consequences.

There was also a touch of pessimism in the state of the world, and the possibility of a soulless universe that would cease to exist in a couple billion-billion years started rolling around in my skull a bit more. That happened.

I saw my psychiatrist, who gave me a prescription which has helped me with the majority of my symptoms. I’ve started recognizing triggers for my anxiety and situations where it was more likely to manifest. And I developed coping mechanisms to stave off or dull the anxiety, even enlisting the help of a counselor at work for further advice. All this came together to make sure 2018 didn’t get riddled with anxiety for me.

Still, it hasn’t been all wine and roses for me. There were times when I still felt really anxious, especially when it came to what I was writing or trying to make a name for myself as a writer. And sometimes, especially in the evenings, I still feel a bit of dread, and it makes me reluctant to write or do anything productive. Just the other night, I had to listen to a whole lot of my favorite music and some hypnosis just so I could put some words on paper. I ended up getting a little over a thousand words in a new short story down, but for a while it looked doubtful I could get a sentence or two down.

Yeah, having anxiety is far from easy.* No matter the coping mechanisms and the medications, my brain’s overproduction of one neurochemical or another is a constant problem, and I have to fight it everyday. That’s how I see it, as fighting. I imagine myself dressing up in armor and going to fight with a sword shield a many-headed monster which spawns rats that it directs to bite me (the rats, if it’s not obvious, represent my out-of-control thoughts). It’s the one-time I’m not thrilled to fight a demonic creature!

Thankfully, this is a battle that I’ve won almost every time. Sure, there are days where the beast gets the upper hand for a little while, but with the weapons I’ve been developing and adding to my arsenal over the past year, those moments don’t last very long. I know I’m stronger than the beast created by my brain chemicals, and I know how to fight it when I need to. And I know I have so many of you supporting me today, giving me the strength to fight even on my worse days.

And know that if you have an anxiety disorder, I’m supporting you. You’re not alone: approximately forty million people in the United States deal with anxiety every year. We’re all connected by this disorder, and we’re all in this fight together. By recognizing what we have and not giving into the stigma of mental illness, we can fight off the many-headed beast and regain control of our lives. Together, we can be happy.

Thanks for the all the support, everyone. It means a lot to me. And if you’re struggling with anxiety and need some strategies, I list some in this article from when I first came out about my anxiety. Who knows? You might find some of the tips helpful.

Well, I’ve got dinner to make and a scary story to write. Until next time, my Followers of Fear, pleasant nightmares!

*Along with autism, ADHD, allergies, partial albinism, and back pain. Yeah, I’m a hot mess. But at least I’m humorous about it and try not to let it get me down.

Review: The Predator (2018 film)

Posted: September 15, 2018 in Review
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My cousin has been in town for an internship, so I invited him to see this with me. We both had heard that it wasn’t good or it wasn’t going to do good, but I think we both went in with open minds. And after a billion previews, ranging from cute family films to all-out R-rated horror films (where’s the consistency these days?), the lights went down.

That was very good. I’m not kidding, I liked it a lot. That was better than expected.

The Predator takes place around thirty years after the events of the 1987 movie. A Predator ship crash lands on Earth after getting away from another Predator ship. A soldier nearby manages to get his hands on some Predator tech and, fearing being silenced by the military, sends it to a PO Box…only for it to end up in the hands of his autistic son. This, and the arrival of the other Predator ship, which contains a much more powerful breed of Predator than ever seen before, leads to a domino effect of events culminating in one insane battle.

So this film actually has a lot going for it. Rather than being a simple sci-fi stalker/slasher film like the original (and let’s face it, everyone’s comparing it to the original), The Predator has a much more developed story that delves both into its characters as well as a bit more into the Predators themselves (because outside of canon-questionable comic books, novels, and video games, what exactly do we have to go on?). And it’s very well-written. There was never a moment where I found my mind wandering, whether it be an intense action scene (and there are several of those), scenes where people are talking to explain things or scenes where the cast is being downright funny.

And there”s another thing: this film is funny as heck (and before you get turned off by that, Terminator II was funny at times, and it’s an awesome film). Whether the more eccentric characters, whom I could watch all day get into antics, are being themselves or other characters are poking fun at the nickname “Predator,” this film knows how to put in laughs, as well as where to put in laughs. Yeah, a lot of action films like this might put the humor in all the wrong places, but this film gets it right.

But my favorite part of this film is its representation of autism and an autistic character. Rory MacKenna, the son of the lead soldier played by Jacob Tremblay, is on the spectrum and it weaves itself into the plot in a very intrinsic, surprising and positive way. It reminds me of how the character of Billy in last year’s Power Rangers film (another discounted film that was actually really good) was portrayed, only this was a lot better. I could say more, but that would give too much away, so I’ll hold off. Instead I’ll say, as an individual on the spectrum, it was great to see.

Is there anything bad? Well, it isn’t the most extraordinary film I’ve ever seen. Those who go in expecting it to be as amazing as the original film or as awesome a sequel as Mad Max: Fury Road will be disappointed. However, those who go in expecting to see something like Jurassic World–something that’s not as good as the original but good in its own right and maybe worthy of a few sequels–won’t regret spending money on the tickets.

On a scale of 1 to 5, I’m giving The Predator a 4 out of 5. An enjoyable sci-fi action romp with fun characters and great representation of folks on the spectrum. I don’t know if this film will do well (movie audiences can be pretty unpredictable sometimes), but I’d encourage you to suit up and disappear into the story.

That’s all for now, my Followers of Fear. I’ll try not to make my next post a review if I can help it. Until next time, pleasant nightmares.

Dealing with an Anxiety Disorder

Posted: June 22, 2018 in Living and Life, Reflections, Social Activism
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I was hoping I’d be under better health when I talked about this, but unfortunately I’m dealing with a summer cold right now. Forgive me if this post isn’t as eloquent as I wanted it to be, but it had to be written today. Otherwise, I’m not sure I’d write it at all.

So since about December last year, I’ve been dealing with a generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). What this means is that I get anxious about a lot of things in my life, or sometimes I get anxious about nothing at all. I just feel this awful feeling of dread, like something under my skin is itching my nerves and making me afraid of everything. I have my ideas about what stressors, the event or events in my life that set it off, but these days I’m less concerned about stressors and more about triggers, what makes me anxious now that I have this condition. These days, that’s mainly the writing career: how will Rose be received; can I make it successful; will it be laughed and hated to the point that I can’t write ever again, etc. Those may seem like issues every author worries about, but in this case, it’s less of a small worry and more like an overriding wave, taking up all my thoughts and making it difficult to think or breathe because you’re just considering the many things that could go wrong.

That’s my GAD.*

The good news is, I started treating this almost as soon as I realized what I was dealing with. I moved up my appointment with my psychiatrist, and she prescribed me medication. I’ve come up with strategies to take the bite out of my triggers, and I’ve been talking with a counselor to further help me with that.

And I’m not alone. I recently came out to a bunch of people that I have GAD. Not only did I get an amazing amount of support and love, but I heard from all sorts of people who have the same sort of issues or know someone who does. We commiserated on the struggles, and were glad that we weren’t so alone. This is such a common disease,** much more common than even I thought, and it affects people in a variety of different ways. Knowing that there are so many other people out there dealing with the same thing made me feel better. It seems like that the opposite would be true, but it’s not. We may have anxiety, but we find peace in our shared struggle.

With that in mind, I thought I’d share some strategies I’ve been using to fight my anxiety. If you have this issue, you might find these strategies just as helpful as I do. Maybe even more:

  • Recognize your anxiety for what it is. For whatever reason, people often deny that they have an anxiety issue. I think this might be because of the stigma that still surrounds mental illness. However, the sooner you acknowledge you’re having anxiety, the sooner you can start fighting back. I recognized this for what it was early on, and I’m so much better for recognizing it in the first place.
  • Don’t be afraid of medication. I know a lot of us don’t like putting anything more than Tylenol into our systems, but taking medication can help. My first day taking medication for my anxiety, I felt freer and lighter than I had in weeks. My anxiety could not touch me that day! And if one medication doesn’t work for you, there are many others available. You just have to be open and honest with your doctor, and they’ll help you find the prescription that’s right for you.
  • Talk to a counselor. Sometimes it’s just good to have someone to talk to about what you’re worried about. I saw a counselor, and they’ve been helping me find more ways to deal with my anxiety. And honestly, just spending forty minutes in that office and talking to someone really helped me out with my fears and made them harmless again. I’m really glad I decided to talk to someone.
  • Logic your anxieties to death. This is something I started doing the moment I realized I had anxiety. Every time I had a fear come up, I would use logic to render it harmless. I would look at all the ways this anxiety made no sense, and argue these points to myself until I felt better. It really works, and I’ve managed to kill most of my anxieties with this.
  • Keep an anxiety notebook. This is something my counselor recommended to me. He said that by keeping a journal and writing down your anxieties, your brain is somehow able to process them and render them mute. I’ve done something similar when it comes to writer’s block, so I know this variation on the theme can work. I even recently bought a notebook to write in the next time I’m feeling anxious. And although I hate being anxious, I’m looking forward to seeing the results.
  • “Follow your happiness.” This is something I came up with. I have no idea why it works, but telling myself over and over, “Find your happiness,” and playing upbeat music either in my head or on my iPod really blocks out the negative thoughts. I’m really partial to “All Night Long” by Lionel Richie (my theory is that we’re all fans of his, whether we know it or not).
  • Hypnosis, meditation, and ASMR. I know what you’re thinking, but these really do help. I’ve done hypnosis, meditation, and ASMR (see this video for a fuller explanation of what that is) for years, and they’ve always helped to relax me. If you open yourself to them, they may just help you deal with these issues.

While I may never be totally rid of my GAD (for some people, these things come and go), the important thing is that I recognize what it is, and that I’m dealing with it in a healthy manner. And if this post helps others recognize their anxiety and deal with it, I feel like I’ve accomplished something good. Because while this disorder is common and can be debilitating, it can also be treated. And if it can be treated, we can make our days a little brighter.

What strategies do you have for dealing with anxiety or GAD?

*So for those of you keeping score at home, I have autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, acid reflux, partial albinism, allergies, and anxiety. One more with an “A” prominent in the name, and I should receive a set of steak knives or a gift card or something!

I’m also farsighted and have back issues. And I have a cold right now. I’m a hot mess!

**And this is a disease, no different than diabetes or a number of other disorders. It’s just a disease affecting our mental state. Anyone who says we just need to learn to chill out or says we’re just imagining it doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Might as well tell someone with crippling arthritis to just move more and ignore the inflammation.

#Cockygate: The Awful Saga Continues

Posted: May 28, 2018 in Living and Life, Progress Report, Reflections, Social Activism, Writing
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I wasn’t planning on writing another post about this subject, but I got so many updates about the subject, I felt I should chime in. And I would’ve published this post earlier, but I had a family thing to attend, so that took up a bit of time. Well, no time like the present. Let’s talk Cockygate.

Now, for those of you who don’t know, or don’t have time to read my last post on the subject, let me give a bit of background: Faleena Hopkins is a romance author who writes a series of books called the Cocky Brothers series (though apparently it’s gone by several names in the past). Recently she applied for a trademark for the word “cocky,” with somehow got approved by the Patent & Trademark Office. Technically speaking, this only allows her to have control of the word using a particular kind of font on her book covers, but she’s taken this to extreme levels, and has sent cease and desist letters to authors who use “cocky” in the titles of their books, telling them to either change the names of their books, take them off Amazon, or face legal action. The authors targeted are mainly self-published writers who can’t afford a legal battle, and changing a book’s title is hellishly hard (imagine the insanity that might come from trying to change the name of the Harry Potter books, for instance). This puts them in a really difficult position.

As you might expect, when word got out about this, things escalated quickly: authors quickly called out Hopkins on this move, calling it extortion and bullying; the hashtags #cockygate and #ByeFaleena (ha! that’s still funny) started trending on Twitter; the Romance Writers Association asked anyone affected by Hopkins to send proof to them and started consulting with an IP lawyer; and Hopkins, who apparently once said that anyone who uses stock photos after she uses them is copying her (that still boggles my mind), posted a video online trying to defend herself and instead dug herself deeper into a hole.

Among other things. Yeah, this is one screwed up situation. And this has not only people angry at Hopkins, but afraid of the future: if you can trademark any word in a title, it’s possible no one will want to publish stories because they’re afraid they could get sued by a trademark owner for using a common word.

However, people have been fighting this, and keeping the story alive. And as time has gone on, there have been further developments in this case. Here are just a few:

  • A novelist and retired lawyer named Kevin Kneupper has come together with a bunch of other authors/lawyers to try to get the Patent & Trademark office to toss out Hopkins’ trademark using a petition for cancellation, which I applaud them for doing and hope they are successful.
  • The creator of the font Hopkins uses for her books came out and stated that anyone who uses his fonts isn’t allowed to apply for trademarks using his font. So, Hopkins is telling people they’re infringing on her trademark while at the same time breaking the rules of usage for the font she uses. Someone needs to read the fine print before telling someone else to do so.
  • Amazon has stated they won’t kick books off its website that have been targeted by Hopkins while they wait to see how this whole thing unfolds.
  • A company called Rebellion Games tried to get a trademark on the word “Rebellion,” (just the word, as far as I can tell), and Mr. Kneupper apparently convinced them to reconsider (and suddenly I want to interview him for my blog and/or name a character in my next novel after him).
  • Hopkins uploaded a video that’s since been taken down (but this is the Internet, so nothing ever goes away), where she said people were calling her and her fans stupid, and then said that meant they were calling her and her fans autistic. Um, say what? As far as I can find, no one brought up autism being mistaken for stupidity before you did. And as someone who’s on the spectrum, would you kindly leave my community out of this? IT HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT YOU’VE BEEN DOING!!!
  • In the same video, Hopkins also said someone had insinuated that she was part of the KKK (proof please?), and said she would never be a Klansman, as she’s descended from a slave. Again, what does that have to do with you trying to trademark a word? And from what I’ve been hearing, some of the authors that have been targeted by the cease and desist letters are writers of color. And you’re not immune from criticism just because one of your ancestors was a slave. Heck, some of your critics may also be descendants of slaves.
  • Hopkins’s books have apparently slid from the bestseller lists. Apparently there are consequences to doing something like this. Who knew?
  • And most recently, Hopkins’ lawyer has sent Kneupper, along with fellow authors/lawyers Jennifer Watson and Tara Crescent, a letter stating that he’s going to be filing a lawsuit against them and seeking a Temporary Restraining Order against their Petition of Cancellation.

Now, this last one happened on Friday apparently, so with a three-day weekend, I have no idea what might develop before Tuesday, if anything. The legal process for this sort of thing can be frustratingly slow. However, this latest development just goes to show just how far Hopkins will go to try to keep her trademark and the power she feels this has given her. She’s determined to make herself seem like an innovative businesswoman who’s being victimized by a mean gang of authors trying to protect her brand.

Well, let her. She may have some supporters (some, but not many), but the longer this drags on and the more she tries to make herself seem like the victim, the more we’ll see her for the bully she is. And with the movement against what she’s doing growing and gaining allies every day, even if God forbid she does succeed in getting her copyright, she’ll just find herself isolated and hated. And in the end, that’s a victory no one wants.

I would like to applaud everyone who’s come forward about Hopkins targeting them. Your bravery is a true testament to your resiliency and spirit. Remember, if you’ve been targeted, email carol.ritter@rwa.org and share your story. Together, we can protect your hard work from what’s happening.

I’d also like to applaud all the other authors and readers out there who have said they won’t stand for this chicanery, and are fighting it every day, on and offline. And I’d like to give an especially big hand to Kevin Kneupper, Jennifer Watson, Tara Crescent, and the other writers/legal experts lending their talents to this case. Words cannot express what you’re doing to defend authors and fiction writing in general. Thank you for all you’ve been doing.

When further updates come along, I’ll likely put out another post. Until then, keep your eyes peeled for more chicanery, and remember, we do have the power to fight back against this. We just have to be brave enough to use it.

20 Questions..

Posted: May 25, 2018 in Living and Life, Reflections
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My friend, journalist and all around cool person Caitlin Kelly published a post earlier today on her own blog, Broadside (definitely check it out, it’s some of the most intelligent and thought provoking blogging on WordPress). In it, she took 20 questions and answered them. Kind of like the game, only not like the game. Anyway, I enjoyed reading her post and thought it’d be fun to try myself, so I decided to write my own post using the same questions and my own answers. Hopefully some of you will feel the same and answer some questions of your own, either in the comments or on your own blogs (either way, I’d love to read your answers).

So without further ado, let’s begin!

What are some of your passions, hobbies and interests?

Well, most of that is out there already. Obviously, I love horror fiction, both reading and writing it. I also love horror art and culture, stuff my blog often touches on. I love Japanese culture, particularly manga and anime. I love learning new things, especially from books or audio books. I love TV and movies, 80’s music and ASMR (Google it, I’m not going into it here). And I love going to the theater when I can, particularly for ballet. And I like collecting dolls and figurines.

What were you known for in school?

Scaring the heck out of people, writing, and being a total and utter goofball. I used to make terrible jokes and puns, sing Lady Gaga in the hallways, sneak up on people to scare them, and write incessantly during my free time. It was a nutty time.

Scariest moment?

It’s not easy to scare me, but I do have one experience. I thought that I’d lost the flash drive containing all my stories on it, and nearly had a panic attack. Thankfully I found it, but that taught me a lesson. I back up my stories once a month now. Really calms my nerves.

Best job?

Well, I’ve only had a few in my young life (I turn 25 very soon, that’s how young), but if I’m going to pick just one, I guess I’ll have to go with the one I have now, working an HR job for a supply organization. Sure,, my high school and college jobs let me do my homework while I worked, being a resident manager put a roof over my head, and interning in Germany was just lovely. But unlike those jobs, I’m now a full employee with good pay and benefits. Sure, sometimes it’s exhausting or frustrating, but I get to help people with disability in the organization, and I’m able to live a comfortable life without having to worry too much about bills or anything like that. You have to love that.

Stuffed animals or dolls or something else?

Dolls and figurines. I’ve got a huge collection of them, in a variety of types, and it just keeps growing (see here and here for the blog posts about them). I also have a small collection of scary masks (a post for another day), and more books than I know what to do with. They’re fun to have.

Do you have any siblings? Are you close to them emotionally?

That was two questions.

But I have four younger sisters, three biological and one step-sister. I love them, but I think we get along better when we’re able to have our own space and not constantly rubbing up against each other.

Do you like the outdoors, or do you only go out when you have to?

Yeah, I’m not a huge fan of the outdoors. I only really have to go out when I have to go somewhere. Beyond that, I definitely prefer the indoors. In fact, if I were a cat, I’d be an indoor cat. Meow!

Are you married or partnered? If not, do you enjoy being single?

That was also two questions.

I am single, and I’m happy being that way. I’m not really that big into romance personally, so I’m happy to be on my own and have my own space. Maybe someday that will change, but right now, I wouldn’t change that for the world.

What’s your nickname?

Rami is my nickname. Didn’t you know?

What would we typically find in your fridge?

Food. What were you expecting? The remains of my victims?

Do you enjoy entertaining friends and family?

At my place? Sure! When it’s prearranged, of course. I don’t like people dropping by unannounced too much.

Are you outgoing and highly social, or do you prefer to be on your own?

Both, actually. I love to go out and be friends, but at the same time, I need my alone time to unwind, or I just go crazy.

Most beautiful place you’ve visited?

Oh, that’s a tough one. Honestly, there are a lot of beautiful places I’ve had the pleasure to go. Paris is lovely, even if it’s a little too opulent. Germany has some very beautiful hills and towns and cities. I really enjoyed visiting Boston, and the Massachusetts coastline in Salem and Fall River are lovely. But if I have to pick, I’m going to go with the Golan Heights in Israel. Beautiful mountains and hills and cities. One day, I’d like to go back and see them again.

Secret hope?

It wouldn’t be secret if I told you. You’ll just have to guess.

Have you achieved the goals you set for yourself when you were younger/went to college?

I’ve achieved some of them, certainly.

What was it/what were they?

I’ve got a stable income, I write nearly every day, and I’ve got a book on the way, with the opportunity to write several more in the future. Hopefully they’ll be well-received and a lot of people will read them. That would make me extremely happy if that happened.

If not, are you OK with that?

N/A

Do you struggle with/manage a chronic medical condition?

Autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, acid reflux, and a few others. I’m a mess! Still, I take care of myself and don’t use any of them as an excuse or a reason not to live my life. I’ve learned to turn my disadvantages into advantages. In the end, that’s all that really counts.

Don’t let your health ruin your life. Take control, and let yourself be the judge of what you can or can’t do. Don’t let your medical conditions do that for you.

Are you religious or do you follow a spiritual path/faith?

I’m Jewish. I’m more spiritual than religious, but I keep kosher and follow major observances (Shabbat Shalom, by the way). It gives me a guiding path, though I don’t base all my beliefs and morals around the Torah.

What makes you laugh loudest and the most often?

Probably something stupid on YouTube or on TV. Either that, or just something that happens in the moment that I find extremely hilarious.

 

What are your answers to these questions?

Well, that’s all for now, my Followers of Fear. I look forward to reading your answers soon (especially if your names happen to be Kat Impossible, Joleene Naylor, or Ruth Ann Nordin). Until next time, pleasant nightmares and have a great Memorial Day weekend.

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